I’ll spare you all the details, but basically we got a piece of news that threw me into a bit of a tailspin. This news left me feeling defeated, like the air had been let out of me. I’m sure you know the feeling. Kind of like a punch in the gut that leaves you feeling absolutely exhausted.
I do my best to be a positive person. But I’ll be honest — it’s something I have to work at. I’m just not one of those people that positivity comes to naturally. I’ve made a lot of progress in this area in the last several years of my life, but every once in a while something comes along that drags me down again.
And Tuesday happened to be one of those days. I allowed one single thing to drag me down to the point where I just felt like giving up. It felt like everything I’ve been working for in the last few years had just been for nothing. A little voice in the back of my head told me that there really wasn’t any point to any of it, that I needed to give up on unrealistically wanting more and just resign myself to a ‘less-than’ existence.
Oh, it was ugly, alright.
I won’t tell you that CBG talked me down off the negativity ledge, because he didn’t. When I get in that particular head space there’s not really any talking me out of it. In fact, I become like a drowning person who frantically grabs onto the person closest to me and drags THEM down with me, too.
No, instead of trying to buoy me up with positivity, he simply got out of my way. He let me know that I was allowed to feel what I was feeling, but that I needed to go feel it someplace else, and not pull him down with me.
It was exactly what I needed.
A nice run the next morning gave me the opportunity to sort through everything in my head. It gave me the chance to work through what I was feeling, and more importantly, why I was feeling it. I realized that I’d been resting a great deal of my immediate happiness on a very thin wire. And then that particular wire snapped, leaving me feeling utterly defeated.
Once I was able to step outside of myself and work through it, I realized how silly I had been the day before. Sure, we suffered a bit of a setback, but it absolutely wasn’t the end of the world. And sure, I could be unhappy about this setback, but a) that unhappiness wasn’t going to make anything better, and b) I have plenty more things to base my happiness on.
I returned from my run feeling light, determined, and energized. I had a whole new outlook and found myself determined to tackle this obstacle head on…to do what needed to be done so we could just keep on keeping on. The best part of all is that I don’t have to do any of this alone. I have my very own partner in crime, who knows when to step back so I can have the time and space to re-adjust my crappy attitude and get back to living.
Look out world, here we come.