The Hardest Thing About Step-momming

In the interests of being brutally honest, I’ll admit straight up that I’m not the best stepmom in the world. While I am proud of my mothering skills and abilities, I don’t feel the same way about the stepmother I am to Ankle Biter and Rugrat. There are a lot of excuses reasons for it. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t really like other people’s kids all that much. I don’t see either one of my step kids very often. My step kids are parented in very different ways than I parent my own kids. I am not put into a parenting-type role with either one of them, as they both have involved moms in their lives. When we’re all together, I’m mostly there as CBG’s “back up” when he needs it.

It’s not like I dislike either one of them, far from it. I feel a genuine fondness for them both, but admittedly I don’t feel like a parent to either one of them. I’m more of a family friend that spends time with them every now and again.

So while I am largely not involved in parenting decisions for either child, I still have lots of thoughts and opinions about how they are being raised, and how they would be raised, were I in a position to have a greater role in this area of their lives. And while I’m not proud of it, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m kind of a judgmental parent. I don’t mean to imply that I think I’m perfect and do everything right all the time, but I’d like to think that I’m a pretty good parent. So when I see other parents doing things that I disagree with – hooboy – it can be tough to keep quiet.

However, for the most part, I do keep quiet. Sure, there are days when CBG gets an earful when something happens that I have particularly strong feelings about, but that’s as far as it goes. There have been times when it’s been extremely tempting to spout off and share my opinion with the mothers of my step kids — oh so very tempting, in fact — but I remain quiet. For the sake of peace. Because I know that no good will come of me being a bitchy stepmom, overstepping her boundaries. Because I can’t be a largely uninvolved step mother on most parenting decisions, but stick my nose in when I feel like it. And most of all, because it’s better for these kids to have all their parents get along – full stop.

But some days, it’s not easy. And on those not-so-easy days I remind myself that I would much rather be happy, than be right.


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