Fifteen

It’s weird how certain dates stick with us, no matter what. Even if we don’t want them to.

September 1st is a date I will always remember. It was the day I married my ex husband – fifteen years ago. Every year when the date rolls around, I wonder if maybe I’ll forget it, if perhaps I won’t be flooded with conflicting thoughts and emotions, but it never seems to happen.

This day always makes me wonder about life. About what my life would look like if we’d never gotten married to begin with. Or what my life would be if we had stayed together. I guess it’s natural to think about those things.

Mostly, though, this day reminds me of how far I’ve come in the past fifteen years. I’ve learned what true happiness is – both in and out of a relationship. I’ve learned how to be independent and strong – how to stand up for myself and for my daughters. I’ve learned the importance of letting go of toxic people. I’ve grown and changed in so many positive ways – growth and change that never would have happened, had we stayed together.

I’m grateful to my ex husband. For our daughters, mostly, but also for teaching me what I’m made of. I don’t know if I would have discovered that, had my life taken a different turn. I guess I’ll never know.

So today I celebrate, just a little – and feel deeply grateful that it’s not my wedding anniversary after all.

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