Finding Joy Again

I had one of those big realization moments the other day when I was out running.

Ah yes, running…the big metaphor for life.

I was thinking about running, about how I recently hit my two year running streak milestone. A big moment for me, for sure. But despite this milestone, and despite continuing with my daily running, I really haven’t been giving it my all. I go out there every day, completing my runs, without challenging or pushing myself. In fact, I’ve been basically half-assing it for a while now. Phoning it in.

And as a result, I haven’t been feeling nearly as joyful about running as I once did.In fact, there are many days when it had just been just feeling like a chore. And really, if it’s going to feel like that, what’s the point anymore?

It’s not just running that’s been feeling this way lately, either. The truth is that I’ve been phoning it in when it comes to a lot of things in my life. My friendships, my career, my parenting, my personal development, my marriage. I’ve been on autopilot when it comes to my life, just like with my running. Just showing up and doing my thing, not challenging or pushing or bettering myself. Which is all well and good of course, but not the kind of person that I ultimately want to be.

I’ve been feeling kind of stuck lately, in all these areas. It’s a frustrating spot to be in, feeling like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. Though I could blame plenty of things — my job, my friends, my ex, CBG — the truth is, the only person responsible for these things is me. I’m the person who hauls my butt out of bed in the morning for those uninspired runs, just like I’m the person who chooses to sit on the couch every night instead of coming up with fun things to do with CBG, or who doesn’t bother pursuing the other things I love in life.

Me. I’m the person who has been making the choice to be stuck in life lately. And just like I’ve been making the choice to be stuck, I can make the choice to be un-stuck, too. And that’s that decision that I’ve made. I made the decision that it’s time to get out of the rut that I’m in with my running, and with my life in general. It’s time to find the joy again — in the miles, my friendships, my job, and my marriage.

And most of all, with myself.

It’s time to stop phoning it in.

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