In the last two weeks or so, things have improved slightly. I’m not sure if it’s the change to more spring-like weather, or that things are going better at work, or because CBG has renewed his efforts at self-care, or because we’re both making efforts toward the betterment of our marriage. Whatever the reason, it feels like there’s been a slight general shift toward more positive feelings for the both of us.
For the first time in at least a month, I feel myself breathing a little bit easier. It’s not like everything is magically all better, but in typical fashion for this time of year, I am much better able to see The Big Picture. No, things aren’t perfect. I’m still struggling with my job. CBG is still unemployed. Money continues to be a worry. Our marriage is far from perfect. A few weeks ago I felt weighed down and overwhelmed by all of these things, but right now I’m able to look at all of these things without feeling that same crushing weight.
Yes, it’s still a lot — as much as it ever was. But for right now, dealing with it all feels slightly more manageable. Getting up at a decent hour in the morning is less of a struggle, getting out for longer, happier runs is less of a struggle, and so as a result, I’m feeling a little more equipped to manage everything. I’m feeling up for the fight, whereas a few short weeks ago, I was more than prepared to throw in the towel on everything.
It’s amazing what some sunshine, longer runs, and determination can do.
And of course, it sure doesn’t hurt to have a husband who loves you more than anything.