Since I last wrote much of anything about the state of my marriage, things have improved a bit. I’m not saying that everything is suddenly great again; as we all know, relationships (and marriage) just don’t work that way. What I will say is that we’ve been talking, and we’re both committed to fighting our way back to a good place again. Fighting the good fight. Together.
It’s not easy. As I’ve written already, we’ve both got our own stuff that we’re each dealing with. Depression is a sneaky, ugly, vicious beast that snakes its way into all areas of your life, your marriage included. Maybe even your marriage most of all.
The last few days of spring-like weather have really boosted my spirits. So much so that I’m starting to have moments when I’m feeling like my old self again. I don’t want to get too excited by this, but March is typically the month when I start getting back to being me again. Tuesday was a particularly rough day for CBG and so I came up with an idea for how we could spend our evening together. The girls were off with their dad for the night, so we had the whole evening to ourselves.
We grabbed a couple of milkshakes and headed off to one of our favourite spots. A nearby beach where we’d spent a fair bit of time over the summer, indulging in plenty of “beach therapy”. It was a beautifully sunny (albeit chilly) afternoon, but being there at the beach with the sun, the wind, and the crashing waves was just what we needed. We walked, we talked, we shared some laughs and some tunes on the drive there. It felt like old Sunshine and CBG again.
We’ve shared other such moments together over the last week or so. What this tells me is that it’s all still there, under the ugly muck of life right now. I love my husband and he loves me; the problem is that there’s a lot getting in the way of that right now. Some things we can work on — like being gentle and kind with each other. And spending quality time together. Other things — like CBG’s job situation, our depression, our money woes — not so much. The best thing for us to do right now is to focus on the things we’re able to do something about, and just put everything else on the back burner as best we can.
And that’s what Tuesday was all about. Because for a little while, standing there, soaking up the sun and hearing the waves and smelling the salt air, nothing else mattered but the two of us.
I look forward to sharing more moments like that soon.