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Bittersweet

Yesterday I had a lunch date with two former coworkers. One of them also happens to be a current coworker as well; we have been working together again since I started my new job in November. The other former coworker I haven’t seen in about 10 or so years.

It was a little strange sitting there with them, two people I once spent pretty much every single day with. We caught up, we remembered the good old days, and we laughed. It was a strange feeling, to have myself emotionally transported back 15 years or so. In so many ways it was like no time had passed at all; in others, I was reminded of everything that has come to pass these past dozen or so years. So many things have changed; and honestly the me of 15 years ago would be shocked to learn of the direction life has taken.

So while it was good to spend some time with these old friends, it was definitely bittersweet…I found myself simultaneously happy and sad. Happy to reconnect and share some laughs and happy memories; sad to realize that  15 years have flown by in the blink of an eye.

It’s like it will all be over before I know it. I wonder if the me of 15 years from now will look back on today and wonder how life ended up where it did.  If maybe I will find myself still full of regret and longing for missed opportunities or failure to make the most of what life has handed to me.

My hope, of course, is that I will grab life by the balls and make the most of every single opportunity I am given, and in a dozen years I will laugh at my uncertainty of today, grateful for everything that I ended up with.

However, right now, today, as I sit here filled with fear and anxiety, its almost impossible to see that outcome.

Let’s hope tomorrow looks better.

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