A good friend lost her husband recently. The news came out of nowhere and I’m not going to lie, it shook me to the core. Another one of those stark reminders of the impermanence of life. And the unfairness of it all. And how at any moment, everything could come crashing down. It’s one of those things I can’t allow myself to think about for too long; otherwise the anxiety overtakes me and it’s incredibly difficult to function.
This gaping hole in my friend’s life got me thinking about my own life, and how, despite our vows to NOT allow it to happen, CBG and I have gotten a little bit complacent in our marriage. It’s easy to blame it on current circumstances — stress of my new job, CBG’s lack of job, our less-than-ideal financial situation. Stupid Seasonal Affective Disorder sucking the life out of me.
The real truth is that we’ve gotten lazy and complacent with each other. We’ve even – dare I say it – been taking one another for granted, just a little bit. But my friend’s husband’s passing has reminded me that there are no guarantees in this life, and honestly, we have no idea how much more time we have together. We could have 40 years…or a single day. But even though we’re relatively certain we have tomorrow, that doesn’t mean that we should waste today. We can come up with all kinds of excuses — lack of money, lack of time, lack of energy — if we want to. But by allowing those excuses to get in the way we’re doing each other and our marriage a huge disservice.
CBG and I sat down last weekend and had a long
argument talk about our current situation. I won’t lie, it wasn’t pretty. But it brought us to a place where we needed to be — and gave us both the kick in the ass that we very much needed. No, we don’t have a lot of money right now. And I’m seriously lacking in my usual get-up-and-go. And yeah, CBG’s unemployment is dragging him down mentally and emotionally. But we’re determined to not let those excuses keep dragging us down. All we have is here and now, and dammit, we need to make the most of it.