Update

It’s been a while since I’ve updated on what’s been happening with me lately. I’m not sure that there’s anyone left reading this thing that really even cares anymore. I’ve been thinking long and hard about shutting this blog down for a while now; I haven’t been feeling a lot of inspiration to write lately, to be honest. Or if I do feel inspired I lack the time and energy to sit down and actually write anything. I miss the days when I used to feel excitement at sitting down at the computer and putting out there what was on my mind. I’m a lot more guarded lately, I guess…worrying about the people who have access to this thing, whether they’re actually reading it or not is a whole other story.

Spoiler alert: they’re likely not.

I started a new job last week. Something very different from what I had been doing. Something that seems will be a job that will allow me to move on and move up, as long as I work hard and stay focused. With the start of week two yesterday I’m feeling like this is both a blessing and a curse. I’m feeling like I’m being dragged out of my comfort zone, kicking and screaming. Which is slightly hilarious, considering this is what I told myself I wanted. I’m learning that “theoretical Momma Sunshine” and “actual Momma Sunshine” are two different people. Theoretical Sunshine is ready and willing to accept any new challenge and jump on board with it. Actual Sunshine is scared to death of change and questions herself at almost every turn.

Sigh.

I know that new jobs come with challenges and that it’s not unexpected that I should feel more than a little uncertain of myself right now. No one ever got anywhere great by just staying where it’s comfortable. I know all of these things. But knowing them and living them are two very different things. And right now, I’m deep in doubting myself and my abilities. I’m questioning my decision to push myself a little harder in terms of my work life. I’m wondering if I was maybe, just maybe, a little bit stupid for thinking that I could actually do this.

Then again, I never DID do well with major life decisions. I always end up being filled with doubt, torturing myself with wondering if I did the right thing. “Actual Sunshine” tends to forget this sometimes.

7 Responses

  1. Congratulations on the new job.

  2. I’m sure you can see that I read (or visit) every day. 🙂

  3. You’re gonna be amazing. Give yourself some time to ease into it. And I read your blog every time you post!!!!

  4. I’m reading 🙂 I don’t comment very often but should. I love your honesty. So many blogs are too…shiny, everything is perfect; feels so staged. You write about your struggles, happy times, dark times…and I can relate as I’m sure many others can.

    I hope you don’t stop writing but understand if the motivation or excitement isn’t there. Your words have made a difference, please know that 🙂

  5. I have been reading on and off friend! I too have fallen off the map with all things social outside of my day job sadly…since I do so much of it all day for work, half the time I don’t feel like doing more of that outside of work. Anyway. CONGRATS on the new gig!! I HEAR you on being out of your comfort zone and just thrown in. I’ve felt that way since starting my job in March and yet I still feel that way. Maybe a good thing orrr just a steep uphill learning curve, or a mix of both 😉 anyway, this will be good for you, of course, you are growing and learning and hey, that’s always such a good thing. xo

  6. I’m thrilled for you for trying something new and not surprised at all about the fear. SOOO completely normal. Just run the mile you’re in. Stay open to learning. You got this.

  7. […] continued employment status, and a healthy dose of self-doubt thanks to my still (relatively) new job. Whatever the reasons, this past Monday started off on a bit of a sour note and it’s just […]

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