Thankfully, I’ve spared those of you that are reading this blog from any whine-fuelled, rambly blog posts where I wax poetic about how life kind of stinks right now and that I’m really stressed out about everything and how I’m really impatient with waiting for things to get better and why is it that it seems like as soon as things start getting better then something happens and things revert back to the same old turd pile they always were.
Fortunately for those in my immediate environment, I’ve been doing my best to keep my whining at a minimum for them, too. No one likes being around a whiney baby. Also, CBG in particular has been working really hard lately to be positive and optimistic. And while I know that part of what he signed up for with this whole marriage thing was supporting me when times are tough, quite frankly I just don’t want to bring him down.
There’s nothing worse than having to deal with someone else’s negativity when you’re working hard to keep your own head above water in that department. Been there, done that.
So. Mainly I’ve just been whining in my own head. My inner dialogue has been a battle of good-and-evil, positive-and-negative. Occasionally negativity slips out and gets dumped on the people around me.
Sorry about that.
Now, I know that at least some of you are thinking that there’s nothing wrong with a little whine-fest now and then. We all do it, right? Of course we do. But for me, this has been increasing in frequency lately. The last several months have been a challenge for me in a lot of ways – professionally, personally, and relationship-wise. There are a lot of things that I’m feeling negative about. The problem with whining isn’t when we have a bad day and need to let off a little steam, the problem is when it turns into a way of life.
Quite frankly, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be the kind of person that focuses on the negative stuff, to the point that it becomes more important than the positive things. Because negative brain noise has a way of drowning out everything else and just adding this certain stench to life.
And well…I don’t like that story.
This is my reminder to myself that though I may not choose many of the circumstances of my life, the one thing that I do choose is my attitude. Sure, a lot of things kind of suck right now. I’ve been through worse and came out stronger, better and happier on the other side. Things certainly could be a lot worse than this. I have many positives in my life for which I am grateful. Positives that I need to remind myself of.
I may not be able to kick this negativity to the curb for good but for right now, I’m done with it. It’s not enough that I’m not whining to others — I need to also stop whining to myself.