This morning Facebook showed me an “On This Day” memory that I wasn’t expecting and particularly didn’t want to see. A couple of wall posts from eight years ago, from a person who hasn’t been in my life for quite some time. A person that, for a number of reasons, I would prefer to not be reminded of.
And yet, I am. Every now and then a reminder pops up in one place or another. A reminder of my less-than-awesome self, from a less-than-awesome time of my life; a woman that I barely recognize anymore. A woman who wandered off into sad, lonely territory, who lost her way, and herself. I usually try to push those reminders away; after all, nobody enjoys a spotlight being put on our lesser selves.
It took me a long time to put the woman that I once was behind me. I still see her lurking in the shadows some days. I’m not perfect. I don’t always make perfect choices. I’m not always easy to love. Some days I am weak and selfish and downright broken.
But we all have those days. Now that I am more close to being the person I always wanted to be, the more I am able to forgive those less-than-awesome days, and the more I am able to forgive myself for that particular time in my life when a string of less-than-awesome days slid into a less-than-awesome year.
This morning I realized that those reminders are actually a good thing. They allow me to see how far I’ve come, and more importantly, they remind me of where I never want to go again. Because even though that “old Sunshine” might lurk in the shadows now and again, I’m not that person anymore. We all need those little nudges from time to time to keep us heading in the right direction…and to help us be grateful for where we are.
On this day eight years ago, I was a shadow of a woman, desperately looking for something in all the wrong places.
But on this day – today – I hit the ‘delete’ button with a smile…thankful for the reminder, but realizing that having it hanging around wasn’t going to do me any good. I need to keep moving forward. I’ve found my ‘something’. And the beauty of it is that it was in me all along.
Thanks for the reminder.