I kind of pride myself on the fact that I’m a pretty tough broad most of the time. I have dealt with a lot of really tough things over the course of my life. I say this as a statement of fact, not in a “poor me” kind of way. Some people get handed more difficulties in life than others. And me? Well, seems like I managed to somehow get a little more than my fair share.
It is what it is.
With a few exceptions, I’d like to think that I’ve dealt with life’s challenges relatively well. For me, falling apart just isn’t an option that I allow for myself. I make the choice to stay strong not just for myself, but for CBG, and especially for my girls. Because there was a time in my life when I wasn’t all that tough at all and guess what? I don’t really like that person.
Lately, however, I have to admit, my toughness is being challenged. Big time.
I am doing my very best to dig deep and find that inner strength, that toughness that I’ve had to rely on plenty of times in the past. I won’t lie — it’s been difficult tapping into that.
Logically I know that there is no shame in admitting weakness, particularly when life’s circumstances are weighing particularly heavily. Logically. My ‘tough inner bitch’, however, is telling me to “suck it up” and push through it. So there’s a bit of an inner battle going on there.
I guess the good news about having this tough inner bitch inside me is that I know that even if I do fall apart, just a little bit, that I have the ability to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward. She is too tough, too strong, too stubborn to let life get me down for too long. This I know for certain.
And maybe…just maybe there is strength in allowing some weakness, for just a little while.
Worry not, kids. Though things are at a low point now, bouncing back is inevitable. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just have to make it through until I’ve gathered up the strength to do it.