On Being “Tough”

I kind of pride myself on the fact that I’m a pretty tough broad most of the time. I have dealt with a lot of really tough things over the course of my life. I say this as a statement of fact, not in a “poor me” kind of way. Some people get handed more difficulties in life than others. And me? Well, seems like I managed to somehow get a little more than my fair share.

It is what it is.

With a few exceptions, I’d like to think that I’ve dealt with life’s challenges relatively well. For me, falling apart just isn’t an option that I allow for myself. I make the choice to stay strong not just for myself, but for CBG, and especially for my girls. Because there was a time in my life when I wasn’t all that tough at all and guess what? I don’t really like that person.

Lately, however, I have to admit, my toughness is being challenged. Big time.

I am doing my very best to dig deep and find that inner strength, that toughness that I’ve had to rely on plenty of times in the past. I won’t lie — it’s been difficult tapping into that.

Logically I know that there is no shame in admitting weakness, particularly when life’s circumstances are weighing particularly heavily. Logically. My ‘tough inner bitch’, however, is telling me to “suck it up” and push through it. So there’s a bit of an inner battle going on there.

I guess the good news about having this tough inner bitch inside me is that I know that even if I do fall apart, just a little bit, that I have the ability to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward. She is too tough, too strong, too stubborn to let life get me down for too long. This I know for certain.

And maybe…just maybe there is strength in allowing some weakness, for just a little while.

Worry not, kids. Though things are at a low point now, bouncing back is inevitable. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just have to make it through until I’ve gathered up the strength to do it.

fall-down-seven-times

3 Responses

  1. […] As I’ve mentioned recently, I have a few things going on right now. Firstly, I have anemia. I battle with low iron from time to time and I know that this is something I need to take better care of, but don’t. Also, I have been dealing with what can only be described as a crushing amount of stress right now. I know, I know…that sounds a little dramatic, doesn’t it? But honestly, with everything that’s happening, ‘crushing’ is really the only way to describe it. But as I wrote about yesterday, I am doing my best to remain tough and battle through it. […]

  2. I have waves of life events that feel as though I’m riding a rip current. I used to resist the current; when I do anxiety, anger, resentments, negativity, jealousy and acute depression set in, followed by self-loathing. Very unpleasant.

    I’m learning to ride the current, tread or float and escape it. It’s hard and exhausting at times. One thing that keeps me going is knowing that it’ll pass.

    I like the old man’s line from Along Came Polly– “it is not what happened in the past, or what might happen in the future. It’s about the ride..no point of going through all the crap if you’re not going to enjoy the ride..” ❤

    I need to keep this on mind. Cheers!

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