Since our argument last Friday and my resulting realization, I have been making a concerted effort to really focus myself on remaining positive. That’s not to say that I’m walking around with a big fake grin plastered on my face all the time…that would just be stupid. And not very genuine. And kind of pointless when you think about it.

What I’m been doing is simply making a choice to not dwell on the stupid crap that comes up in the run of a day. For example: something shitty/stupid happens at work. I allow myself to feel annoyed by it, perhaps even have a minor gripe with a co-worker, and then…I just LET IT GO. I push it out of my mind, with the reminder that dwelling isn’t going to make it better. In some cases, I have even made the choice to not talk to CBG about it (even though he’s a coworker and knows all of the players involved) because it’s something that a) doesn’t directly affect him and b) he can’t change.

And then…after I make the choice to let the negativity go, I make a point of turning my mind to something a little more positive. Like looking forward to the weekend. Or planning a Valentine’s Day surprise for the hubs. Or thinking back to the great morning run I had the day before. Anything other than the stupid negative crap that wants to use up valuable space in my brain.

No, it’s not always as easy as I’m making it sound. But there is something that I am noticing. I feel…lighter. Mentally and emotionally. Negativity is heavy as lead, apparently. And now that I’m letting it go, the space it once occupied is being filled with positivity, silliness and love, which is lifting me up like a hot air balloon.

I know that the real challenge will come on a day when I get beaten over the head — repeatedly — with a bunch of negative garbage. I know that this day will come, eventually, because we all have them from time to time. This will be the true test. At the moment, I am feeling like when it comes, I’ll be ready for it.

But there’s no use worrying about something that hasn’t happened just yet. In the meantime, I will enjoy my new found focus and the positivity that has resulted.

2 Responses

  1. I love reading the past few posts and your realizations. It’s TOUGH to stay positive when negativity abounds! And especially in the winter when everything is so cold and grey. What did you normally do during the winter before CBG moved in? It sounds a lot like y’all are bored. I’m with you, I like having something to get excited about. The day-to-day can really wear you down unless you stay present and grateful for every moment. And that’s tough too.

    I have to have sunshine. I have to be outside. I have to look forward to a trip, no matter how small, just to see something different. Sometimes, this may mean finding a museum to explore or spending time at a book store or seeing a movie. I know you’re working on a budget but do you guys still set money aside for date nights? Can you challenge each other to find something new and inexpensive to explore together?

    Your attitude makes a difference – like Little Mo said – and I’m glad you’re working on that. Will an inspiring book help? I have plenty to recommend. 🙂

    Love you.

  2. I needed to read this. I have been dwelling and it is tough.

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