On Friday CBG and I found ourselves in yet another heated conversation. Actually, calling it a “conversation” is pretty generous. If I’m being 100% honest, it was an argument. Without going into a lot of detail, I will say that the crux of the issue is that we have both been feeling some frustration toward the other this past little while.
Neither one of us have actually been our best selves lately…this much is obvious. It’s like this dark cloud hanging over everything…his depression, my seasonal affective disorder. One of the things that came out during this conversation is that we’ve both been making efforts. But the problem is that neither one of us are recognizing the efforts of the other person. So it feels like they’re really not trying. I pointed out how CBG isn’t really actively doing anything toward getting better. He noted that I’ve been walking around with a shitty attitude. That doesn’t really seem like two people that are trying all that hard, now does it?
It wasn’t until later when I was out for a mid-day run that I put the pieces together. We’ve each been taking an entirely different approach to recovery. CBG has been working on his attitude and way of thinking. He feels that if he can improve that, then the other things will follow. As for me, I’ve been focusing on getting out there and doing things — taking care of myself physically, putting my focus into bringing happiness to others — knowing that this will help to improve my attitude. I’ve been looking at his lack of ‘doing’ and he’s been looking at my still shitty attitude and it seems like neither one of us have been doing a damn thing, when nothing can be further from the truth.
It’s like we’ve been speaking entirely different languages.
Realizing this was like having a lightbulb switch on for me. Things suddenly made a whole lot more sense, particularly the frustration we’ve each been feeling. What we need to do now is respect and trust in the other person’s “recovery methods” a little bit more, and perhaps make a greater effort to speak the other person’s language a little more. I.e. CBG needs to get up and get out there and start “doing” a little bit more, and I need to make a bigger effort on improving my attitude.
The good news is that we ARE both trying. Despite the difficulties we are experiencing right now, we both love each other very much. Love might not always be enough, but love + mutual effort + understanding + compassion just might be the magic formula we’ve been looking for.
Filed under: CBG, clarity, depression, living and learning, marriage, optimism, The "L" Word, Uncategorized | Tagged: depression, depression and marriage, depression recovery, life, living with depression, love, marriage, Seasonal Affective Disorder |