While working on de-cluttering over the weekend, I happened to come upon some old video footage of when my girls were little. Around one and three, I would guess. I popped it on and watched for a bit, a strange mix of emotions washing over me.
I didn’t appear in many of the videos (since I was behind the camera most of the time), so it provided me with an interesting glimpse into a typical “day in the life of Sunshine” when my girls were tiny. Looking back, those days seem like both a million years ago, and just last week — both at the same time. I can so clearly remember them at these ages — my two sweet little girls — and yet, so much has happened since then.
Most significantly, I was struck by how I am not the same person that I was back then. So much has happened to me in that time…a major depression and near nervous breakdown, the dissolution of my first marriage, the loss of a community of friends, meeting CBG, sustaining a long distance relationship for nearly four years, finally ending up together in the same city, getting married…if you had told the woman who shot that video footage what was in store for her, she never in a million years would have believed it.
It’s been an evolution. As my circumstances have changed, *I* have changed. I have adapted. I have thrived. Those things that haven’t served me have been cast aside (people, shitty self-perceptions, lies that I clung to for far too long), and I have come out on the other side of everything a stronger, happier, more independent and all-around better person. When those videos were made I had no idea where life was going to take me. And while a great deal of it was a hellish journey, as I look around at the life I have built and the person that I have become, I know that I wouldn’t change one bit of it.
Survival of the fittest at its finest.