Half-Assing It

The end of last week wasn’t exactly the most stellar in my world. A single incident between CBG and I triggered a couple of ugly arguments between the two of us. I’ll spare you the details, in the interests of both privacy and the fact that, as is often the case, the things were were arguing about weren’t really the things we were arguing about.

Gotta love how that works, right?

Also — it got ugly. Ugly in that way where you start questioning everything that’s happened in your relationship to lead you up to this particular point. Ugly in the way that pushes you toward something that logically really makes no sense whatsoever, but in desperation you’re just not sure what else to say or do.

Bah.

The good news is that several days of communication, tears, laughter and love means that here, on Monday, we’re in a much better spot than we were three or four days ago. But we still have lots of work to get where we ultimately need to be.

I know what you’re thinking. “But Sunshine! You and CBG haven’t even been married a whole year yet! What the blue hell is going on here?!”

I’ll tell you exactly what’s been going on here. I realized something important about us over the weekend. We’ve been half-assing it. Life. Our relationship. Ourselves. Our goals. Everything. The thing is, CBG and I haven’t stopped to sit down and figure out life as it is right now. For so long we were ‘long-distance Sunshine and CBG’….just trying to get from visit to visit and make life bearable in between. Sure, we sometimes worked on our own personal goals when we were apart, but The Big Picture was always about our long-term dream of being together full time. And to a smaller extent life was also about getting the most out of the time we did have together. Carpe diem and all that jazz.

And then, when CBG made the decision to move here, we quickly moved into planning mode. Life became focused on all the details involved in starting a new  life together here. Finding CBG a job, getting a place to live, selling his house back home, moving him here and on and on. The process itself took almost a whole year, from beginning to end.

Before this was even over, we launched straight into wedding planning. Our focus became everything wedding related as we worked to ensure that our day was exactly what we wanted.

And then, once all that was over, we were very much looking forward to just relaxing together. No more long distance relationship. No more moving. No more wedding planning. The truth is that we took our “relaxing” a little too seriously. We both kind of just sat back and didn’t really do much of anything. Sure, we’ve been dabbling at some personal goals, but we’ve both been lacking a certain zest for life, particularly in the last six months or so. We’ve been going through the motions — at home, at work, and especially in our marriage. The Sunshine and CBG who used to squeeze every bit of fun out of their time together have been more than content to just sit on the couch and allow life to continue on around them.

Sure, there’s something to be said for “just being”. But there’s enjoying the moment and then there’s  allowing the moment to just happen all around you while you just kind of idly watch it happen. And we’ve definitely been spectators more than we’ve been participants.

And you know what? It’s got to stop. We’ve been taking a half-assed approach to life lately. An approach that’s been slowly wearing both of us down to the point that finding and enjoying those moments of joy have been a lot more difficult. And you know what? This is not the way it’s supposed to be. This is NOT the life that CBG and I fought so hard to have together. We owe it to long-distance Sunshine and CBG to make this life that we have together a whole lot better than this.

I’m not going to let them down. No more half-assing it. Life is far too short.

8 Responses

  1. Reblogged this on I Used To Have Hair and commented:
    Sunshine pretty much said everything that I was thinking, too. I think we’re both ready to start really living life again.

  2. It is challenging to stay away in life. I have to remind myself constantly & then I forget to even do that. You are ahead of most to be aware of the changes you have made & want to continue making within the 1st year! Thanks for sharing

    • You’re right — it IS a challenge to stay awake in life. I mean, we all go through periods where we’re just “going through the motions”, the danger is when THAT becomes the norm, rather than the exception.

  3. Complacency and stagnation are two of my biggest fears. (not saying this is you at all!) and is something I am almost hyper-aware to, as a result of falling into these in my past. So I hear you, when I feel myself settle into…settling, it’s like a knee jerk reaction to STOP doing that and appreciate, enjoy more AND to keep on keeping on. Instead of sitting back TOO much. there’s a time and a place for it, of course, but there is also a time and a place to keep it going, light it up. You have the exact right idea, and I have no doubt you two will light it up and get that zest back!

  4. […] written recently about CBG and I have been going through a bit of a “low period” together lately. I don’t even know if “low period” is really an apt description; […]

  5. Working things out because you are SO worth it is the best!

    I enjoyed this post so much. You have perfected the art of being vague without *not* sharing anything. 😀 (And the “Awkward Sentence” award goes to… me!)

    Truly, enjoy your blog and your tweet-iness.

    • Why thank you for the lovely words! I do try to share without over-sharing, particularly because the hubs is also a blogger. It makes things…tricky. Besides, I think that the lessons learned are better applied to the reader’s own life if they don’t know all the dirty details of mine. 😉

      • Exactly! I really do get it. 😀

        It’s a great post! Coming up on your first anniversary and you are both choosing to work harder.. this rocks immensely. 🙂

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