I don’ t know what it is, but the older I get, the harder it is for me to relax. My life is go,go,go pretty much all the time, to the point where I often feel overwhelmed with how busy it is. But then…when opportunity arises to just sit back and relax, I just can’t seem to do it. In fact, the whole idea of relaxing kind of stresses me out. I mean…my main source of relaxation is to go for a nice long run…not exactly something that the majority of people would call relaxing.
Even when on vacation, it’s all about being on the go for me. The two times that CBG and I went on cruises together, we were pretty much exhausted by the time we returned because we were going flat out the whole entire time. Fun — yes! Relaxing? Not so much.
Then again, maybe I just “relax” in different ways than the majority of people.
The problem is, my inability to relax like other people sometimes causes problems. Like this upcoming weekend, for example. Tonight, CBG, my girls and I take off to go spend the weekend with Ankle Biter at CBG’s Dad’s house. My girls haven’t seen “Grampy” since last fall, and CBG and I feel like we need a family weekend “do over” after Easter weekend didn’t exactly go as planned. Weekends at Grampy’s house can be tough; I’m out of my element. I often find myself getting bored, as he lives in a small town where there isn’t a whole lot to do. I get antsy just hanging out and watching tv; I find myself frantically trying to figure out what to do with myself.
And that makes me anxious and cranky. Which of course, makes CBG anxious, on edge, and defensive. Which doesn’t exactly help our already often stressful family weekends.
This week I’d been doing alright with the upcoming family weekend at Grampy’s, but then for some reason, the anxiety all came pouring in yesterday. It was partly triggered by stress and anxiety at work, but suddenly I began feeling panicked about spending 3 days “trapped” with the kids and CBG at his dad’s house with nothing to do. I could feel the tension building and the anxiety seeping in.
I thought about this a lot this morning when I was out on a “relaxing” 10 km run. I know that I need to chill the eff out a little bit and try to just go with the flow a little bit more. However, I also know myself well enough to realize that I need to come up with a plan of action for dealing with this, or I’m going to lose my mind and it’s going to end up being a crappy weekend. Again. Which, obviously, is the last thing that I want.
I just need to come at this in such a way that it meets my own definition of “relaxing” while at the same time not driving everyone else nuts (particularly CBG) in the process. And maybe, just maybe, I can start to learn how to relax more like the rest of the world does?
I’d better not get ahead of myself. That one may be too ambitious even for me.
Filed under: blended family, family, figuring stuff out, Getting it off my chest, living and learning, marriage, screwed-up-ness, thoughts on stuff | Tagged: blended family, life, relaxation, stress, ways to relax |