Love is one of those things that is forever changing, it never stays exactly the same. Over the past 5+ years with CBG, our love for one another has grown, changed and evolved as we have as individuals and as a couple. There are moments that I can pinpoint when my love for him grew suddenly. Some of them moments that you would expect, like the night we got engaged or our wedding day. There are other moments, too, though. Difficult moments, moments when CBG has shown his mettle and demonstrated the man that he is inside. Moments of bravery when my love was mixed with pride and admiration as I witnessed the depth of his goodness and strength.
We had one of these moments this past weekend.
Saturday afternoon CBG’s father got married. Now, if you recall, CBG has been feeling pretty hurt about the fact that he wasn’t asked to be the best man. While he’s never had the best relationship with his father, after his mom’s passing, CBG and his dad grew a lot closer….to the point that he began to feel like he and his dad might end up having the kind of relationship he had always wanted. For a guy who lived his whole entire life trying desperately to please his father, it was an exciting prospect for him.
Buuuuuuut…..that didn’t happen. As soon as his dad moved on with dating, it was back to the “same old” in terms of their relationship. Not because of anything CBG did or didn’t do, but really, in my opinion, because of his dad’s own emotional limitations. Not that CBG is always able to see that, however.
So while he wasn’t asked to be the best man at his wedding, he was asked to MC the event. And because CBG is a good son, he put aside his own hurt to fulfill his dad’s request. Because he really was hurt by it. Possibly even more than he let on even to me. And despite being still bothered by the whole best man thing, did a great job, in true CBG style. His speech during the reception was heartfelt, sincere, and made both his dad and his new bride cry. And admittedly it even got me a little choked up, too.
And that’s when it happened. Right there, in that very moment, hearing him speak so kindly and eloquently of the man who has disappointed and hurt him for so much of his life (and who continues to hurt him), the man that CBG just wants to please and make proud, my love for my husband grew tangibly. It had been a bit of a tough week for the two of us, but in that moment, sitting there at the reception, I was filled with love, respect, admiration and overwhelming gratitude for him and everything that he is. No, he’s not perfect. But goddamn he has a good heart. He is the kind of person who steps up to the plate and does the right thing when it’s needed the most. The kind of person is not just able to do what needed to be done, he totally rocked it.
And on Saturday night, my love for him grew, right then and there.