Today it is exactly 40 days until my 40th birthday.
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit these last few months, this whole turning 40
bullshit business. Birthdays always have a way of making me extra thoughtful about myself, my life, and where I’ve been and where I’m headed. A change in decade just amplifies all of those thoughts for me. I’m not going to be “in my 30s” anymore.
I’m not going to lie, 40 is a big one for me.
The thing is, I’m not going to really miss my 30s all that much. Granted, some of the best things happened while I was in my 30s — meeting CBG and getting married to him, for example. Starting my life all over again. Learning how to stand on my on two feet. Learning how to love myself better. Making wonderful memories — alone, with my girls, with CBG and our extended family. There have been a lot of wonderful parts about my 30s.
But there’s been a lot of not-so-wonderful stuff, too. Getting divorced and dealing with the amazing amount of bullshit that goes along with that. Suffering from depressing. Experiencing a nervous breakdown. Struggling in so many ways — mentally, emotionally, financially. Enduring abuse. Losing friends.
My 30s were very, very full — of both the good and the bad.
The thing is, I’m not sad to see 40 coming down the pipe. In fact, I welcome it. One thing that the last decade has taught me its that I’m still getting better with age. I’m welcoming my 40s and all of the adventures, laughter, love, friendship and learning that it will hold. Inevitably there will also be some challenges there as well, life is always full of them. But like the other challenges I have faced in life, I will learn the lessons life has to offer me and become better for it.
But I’m not quite 40 yet. For now I will enjoy these last 40 days of being in my 30s, and when the big 4-0 arrives, I’ll be gal standing there with the big grin on my face.