Marriage and Laziness

So I’m going to cut right to the chase, here, without any fancy lead-in.

CBG and I have gotten a little lazy in our relationship.

Sure, there’s the whole ‘happiness’ factor, and how sometimes when we’re happy in our relationship we get a little complacent. We don’t pay attention to the little things like we used to. We forget that we need to romance our partners just as much as when we were dating. Sometimes, our hurt and broken parts clash with one another.  It’s a slippery slope, laziness in a marriage. One day it’s “let’s not worry about date night this week” and eventually you end up sitting beside one another on the couch every night, not talking, staring at the tv.

And quite frankly, that’s not the kind of marriage I want to end up with.

I remember the lack of communication at the end of my first marriage. I have distinct memories of actively avoiding any kind of conversation with him. I just didn’t have anything that I wanted to say, and he had nothing that I wanted to hear. We were going through the motions of life, and marriage, but the joy was lacking — both the small daily joys and the big, rare moments of pure and utter bliss.

It’s more than a little scary to think about my marriage to CBG going down the same road.

It’s not to say that we’re miserable, because we’re definitely not. It’s just that things have been lacking that certain Sunshine-CBG flair that they used to have. Some of the passion has died — just a little bit. A bit of the shine has worn away. And it’s not about our relationship changing and evolving, as all relationships do, no, this is about something else. It’s about us being lazy. It’s about us allowing life to get in the way. It’s about allowing things other than our marriage to become a bigger priority in our life for a little too long. Not to mention the fact that we’ve both been in a bit of a funk lately and so that certainly is putting a damper on things as well. It’s tough putting mental and emotional energy into your relationship when it doesn’t feel like you have enough for yourself.

We had a big talk on the weekend and agreed that things have to change. It’s time for us to fight our mutual funks, and fight our “marriage funk” as well.

We did the easy part. We stood up in front of our friends and family and said “I do”. There’s no challenge or difficulty in that. THAT is not marriage. Marriage is what happens every day after that day. The big picture. The long haul. The re-committing yourself every single day to this same person.

There’s no room for laziness here, kids. Because isn’t that one of things that you promise when you marry someone? To NOT be lazy in this relationship? (I’m talking lazy with a capital “L”, big-picture laziness, not, “we’re having lazy few days or even a week”….because every relationship is allowed to have those now and again). After all, our marriages can’t be the main focus all the time, every single day without fail, there are other parts to life, too, right?

So consider this fair warning — if you see a few more mushy tweets and blog posts and Facebook updates than usual, it’s all about romancing my man a little bit more, and putting my marriage a little more front-and-centre than I have been these past couple of months.

So if you find yourselves gagging a bit, just try and do it quietly, okay? 😉 I’ve got a marriage to be better at.


2 Responses

  1. It’s hard to own up to laziness, of any kind, or siding into a bit of complacency, but even harder to stop it in its tracks and do something about it, and THAT is what you are doing. I honestly think the winter has beaten us all down so much around these parts, that it’s hard NOT to be blah generally, and pull ourselves out of it. Good that you two are communicating and working to reignite a bit. It is one of my biggest fears too – complacency – and M and I work really hard to not get into that, as best we can. nobody’s perfect, but communicating, making an effort and BEING with each other when we are together, not just going through the motions makes a huge difference. xo

  2. This made me smile big. I like it when y’all are mushy. 🙂

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