This whole marriage thing truly confounds me sometimes. Just when you think that you’ve got it all figured out, everything changes. And why shouldn’t it change? After all, a marriage is a coming together of two very distinct and different individuals. Individuals who are constantly growing, changing and evolving. Sometimes even de-evolving. We’re all such broken and hurt individuals. And when you’re in a marriage with someone, it means that sometimes those broken and hurt parts rub up against one another.
…And not in that fun way, either.
Sometimes those hurt and broken parts down right collide. And when that happens, that’s when the strength of your love and your marriage vows truly get tested. Good marriages aren’t ones where shit never goes down, and where everyone always gets along perfectly. Good marriages are what happen when two broken people continue to love one another and work together throughout whatever gets thrown their way.
And it is work, people.
Those people out there who say that a marriage shouldn’t be work piss me off. Either they have a different definition of work, or they’ve stuck their heads in the sand. Of course a marriage needs to be lots of other things, too — love, respect, friendship, joy, comfort, cooperation, passion. And sometimes, yes, it will be easy. All of the working parts will come together like a well-oiled machine, and the marriage motor will hum along perfectly.
And then other times, those gears will come to a grinding halt. It’s just the way it is. No relationship on the planet is 100% perfect all the damn time. We are all just human and flawed, after all. And once those gears get gummed up, it takes time and effort to get things moving again. Maybe a few parts need to be sent to the shop for repair. Maybe you’ve even got to replace a cog or two. Maybe you even need to call in a expert to help you diagnose and repair the problem.
But a marriage based on love, respect, friendship and a mutual desire to make it all work, will survive. It will thrive. It will get stronger and better with each challenge that it faces, because that’s what challenges do. When we rise to meet life’s challenges and tackle them head on, they leave us smarter, stronger, and more determined than ever.
And it’s a whole helluva lot easier if you’ve got someone you love by your side through the whole thing.