This Moment

Lately I’m finding myself acutely aware of the passage of time. This happens every once in a while, where it feels like someone has turned up the speed on everything just a little bit. Days and weeks pass more quickly than they likely should. Whenever this happens, when I allow myself to dwell on it for too long, I can summon up a bit of panic over how frighteningly quickly life passes.

It doesn’t help, of course, that my 40th birthday is hurtling toward me at a dizzying pace.

I think back sometimes to different parts of my life…particularly those happy time periods or memorable moments, and feel a small tinge of sadness. So many wonderful events, moments, time periods have passed by and are now just mere memories. I know that I didn’t always appreciate those moments when I was right there, smack-dab in the middle of them.

I sometimes see babies and think back to my own two girls, missing the sweet smell of their breath, their contented sighs and gummy, toothless grins. My heart aches to go back to that time — just for a visit — so I could experience that particular joy again, just briefly.

But none of us can do that. And life is too short for regrets.

So all that I am left to do is my best to drink up the happy moments of my life now, just as they are, and imprint that joy onto my heart. Stopping in the middle of a morning run to drink in the sunrise. Throwing my arms around my rapidly growing girls and gobbling up their kid-smell. Making out with CBG in the elevator on the way to work in the morning. Making room for as much laughter and silliness as I can muster. Taking time to stop and realize that I will never be in this moment ever again. Or this one.

This is actually pretty damn good comfort when I’m in the middle of something less than ideal. And when I’m in the middle of something wonderful, it’s a great reminder to slow the hell down and just enjoy it for what it is.

None of us will ever have this moment ever again. But if we’re truly lucky — we’ll get to experience many more.

2 Responses

  1. I hear ya! I’m pretty sure I succeeded in being in the moment with Cole and now I’m trying to drink in every moment with Layton. Thanks for the reminder.

  2. It’s funny you write this. I just had a similar conversation with a close guy friend recently. He was complaining about how his current relationship isn’t working out. I had to point out the gratitude in that moment because we were hanging out, being best pals. He could be happily married, moved on from where we were in that moment. And although I wish that for him, I knew that I’d also mourn for where we were right then. He may be living elsewhere. Or his wife may not want him hanging out with a gal pal. It was weird to think about but yeah, made us both remember that in each moment, we need to celebrate it as it is.

    And yes, to see my oldest daughter steadily outgrowing me, height-wise, wearing my clothes and shoes… I miss her baby face! I’m kissing them so much as I tuck them in each night and relishing their mommy hugs.

    40? Pfft. Make time stop by enjoying now. It sounds like that’s right where you are.

    xxoo

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