Lately I’m finding myself acutely aware of the passage of time. This happens every once in a while, where it feels like someone has turned up the speed on everything just a little bit. Days and weeks pass more quickly than they likely should. Whenever this happens, when I allow myself to dwell on it for too long, I can summon up a bit of panic over how frighteningly quickly life passes.
It doesn’t help, of course, that my 40th birthday is hurtling toward me at a dizzying pace.
I think back sometimes to different parts of my life…particularly those happy time periods or memorable moments, and feel a small tinge of sadness. So many wonderful events, moments, time periods have passed by and are now just mere memories. I know that I didn’t always appreciate those moments when I was right there, smack-dab in the middle of them.
I sometimes see babies and think back to my own two girls, missing the sweet smell of their breath, their contented sighs and gummy, toothless grins. My heart aches to go back to that time — just for a visit — so I could experience that particular joy again, just briefly.
But none of us can do that. And life is too short for regrets.
So all that I am left to do is my best to drink up the happy moments of my life now, just as they are, and imprint that joy onto my heart. Stopping in the middle of a morning run to drink in the sunrise. Throwing my arms around my rapidly growing girls and gobbling up their kid-smell. Making out with CBG in the elevator on the way to work in the morning. Making room for as much laughter and silliness as I can muster. Taking time to stop and realize that I will never be in this moment ever again. Or this one.
This is actually pretty damn good comfort when I’m in the middle of something less than ideal. And when I’m in the middle of something wonderful, it’s a great reminder to slow the hell down and just enjoy it for what it is.
None of us will ever have this moment ever again. But if we’re truly lucky — we’ll get to experience many more.