I’ve been through some pretty traumatic experiences in my life. When I was 14, my father died suddenly in a car accident. When I was in my early 20s, I was in a devastating car accident (that thankfully all involved walked away from). I had a nervous breakdown when my ex and I split up.
I’m no stranger to dealing with awful situations.
What happened on Monday night with CBG ranks right up there on the list with the most traumatic experiences I’ve ever dealt with. I know that it sounds dramatic to say that, but honestly, during the time that it was happening, not knowing what it was, it was one of the most frightening things I’d ever witnessed.
And even though it all worked out fine in the end, the reality is that at the time, we didn’t know that. And the interesting thing about going through a dramatic event like that is your brain and your body don’t suddenly just go, “Oh, hey, all is well, nothing to worry about here. Back to business as usual!” Not even close, in fact. Because the fear, worry and stress that I felt were very much real emotions, I’m still feeling the effects of that, despite all turning out to be well.
I’ve been noticing a lot of little things. Not sleeping well, yet still feeling exhausted. Easily distracted. Unable to focus. Replaying what happened on Monday night over and over again. I am jittery and on edge. I’m crying at the drop of a hat. I know that CBG is having difficulty sleeping and is dealing with nightmares. Maybe there’s more going on that he’s not talking about so much.
In short — it sucks.
The good news, however, is that even though the stress (and the after effects are real), the reason for them turned out to be nothing. I can only imagine how I might be feeling right now had it been something genuinely horrible. All in all, I feel goddamned blessed.
So the after effects? Those I can deal with. Because I’ve still got the love of my life beside me.