Since getting divorced I’ve been told by a number of my friends and family that they didn’t really care for my ex husband. Many people simply felt that he wasn’t right for me in a lot of ways. And looking back now, I see that it’s true. However, in the time that we were together I learned a lot of things — about myself, relationships, and what I wanted in life. And of course, we ended up with these two lovely girls of ours, so our relationship certainly wasn’t for nothing.
The life that my ex and I had together wasn’t right for me, either. I tried desperately, for many years, to be a certain person. The person that he wanted me to be. The person that our circle of friends wanted me to be. The person that I thought was “right” and “good enough” for my ex-husband, who had somehow both built me up emotionally while convincing me that I still wasn’t quite good enough for him.
Turns out, other people saw things that I was either unable or unwilling to see myself. Though I didn’t know it until after the fact, my mother worried about me for years. Friends and family kept quiet about their dislike of my ex, because well, that’s what friends and family do, right?
For the past several years now, since ending my first marriage, I have been on a quest to figure things out for myself — to find my happy and to live it, to the best of my ability, each and every day. And I dare say that I have. Sure, not every day is sunshine and roses (for me, or for anyone, for that matter), but most of the time I can look at my life and feel relatively happy and content with the direction that it’s going.
Best of all — I get to wake up every single morning beside a man who loves me for me, respects me deeply, supports me in being He myself and loves me unconditionally. A man who walks beside me in life, rather than carrying me. Who has helped me see my own strength. Who makes me laugh every.single.day. A man who brings out the absolute best in me. Some days I feel like I’ve won the relationship lottery, honestly….because CBG is more than I’d ever hoped to find. No, he’s not perfect, but he is perfect for me — and that’s all that matters.
Others see this, too. CBG and I regularly get comments on how the two of us are “perfect for each other”. We are the same type of silly. We enjoy many of the same things (while not being complete carbon copies of one another). We help to develop each others’ strengths. (without being in denial about our weaknesses). We love each other for who we are. We share a joy when we’re together that I’ve never felt before in my life…and honestly I once believed that I never would.
At our wedding it was so wonderful to be surrounded by our friends and family who supported us as we were getting married. Looking around it was plain to see that everyone was truly happy for us. And while, no, we didn’t need the approval of others for us to know that it was the right decision for us to be making, it sure as heck felt wonderful to have it anyhow.
One of my sisters summed it up perfectly (a sister who didn’t exactly love my ex or approve of my circle of friends when I married him, I might add). As she was hugging me goodbye at the end of the evening she told me quietly, “You got it right this time.” And honestly, that’s the best thing I think anyone said to me the entire night.
Because you know what? She’s absolutely right.