So What if I Get Divorced?

So what if I get Divorced?

I went on a bit of a rant on Twitter earlier this week. A random comment on another website pissed me off; someone threw out a disparaging remark about divorce; something about how one must work to make a marriage work at all costs; that “the other side was nothing but darkness”.

And of course, I had to call bullshit on that. I am happier and have been living a much more fulfilling life since separating from my ex — period. And I know that I’m not the only person who is able to say the same thing.

I’m really sick of how there are so many judgmental (married) people out there, spouting off about how “evil” divorce is, and how couples should stay together no matter what. Most of the judgmentals agree that divorce is “acceptable” in cases of abuse, but outside of that, divorce should never happen. Of course, this opens up the question — what qualifies as abuse, really? That one’s definitely open to interpretation, since abuse extends far beyond the physical. And matters of the mental and emotional is a grey area at best, isn’t it?

This got me thinking about divorce in general. How common it is. How more common it’s becoming. Nothing drives me nuts more than when one of those judgmental people starts spouting off divorce rate statistics — particularly stats on second and third marriages. And thinking about this made me realize something about my thoughts on this whole matter.

And my thought is this: So what?

Yeah, divorce rates are a lot higher than they used to be, that’s for sure. But what of it? If someone else is happy and fulfilled in their own relationship, why should they care at all about what those around them are doing?

The answer is: they shouldn’t.

As my own second wedding gets close and closer, I’m realizing more and more that I really don’t care what other people think about it. I don’t care about divorce statistics and judgmental comments from other people. And you know why? Because it doesn’t matter. I’m not talking about their comments, either, I’m talking about my marital status. Here’s the thing: maybe CBG and I are starting our “happily ever after”….but then again, maybe we’re not. I don’t have a crystal ball and I can’t see what we’re going to be faced with down the road. But truthfully, even if I could see into the future, I wouldn’t want to. What I know for sure right now is this: I am happy. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to hang onto that happiness — to protect it, nurture it, and help it grow.

And if it ends some day? So what? That’s nobody’s business but ours.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the shit out of what we’ve got right here, right now.  The haters can suck it.

8 Responses

  1. Yeah! SUCK IT HATERS!

    GO girl. Great post!

  2. That’s the way it should be. I’m just ending my second marriage. Don’t regret a minute of it, but finding that i’m a lot happier now that i’m out of it. People have a lot of opinions. As if we somehow planned this out – yea when i got married, i thought – hey i’m going to get divorced in 10 years – yea – that’s how i planned my life to go – NOT. People are far too nosy for their own good… you just gotta keep on swimming.

  3. Well said! (Standing up applauding!)

  4. LOVE this post!!! Well said!


  5. I TOTALLY agree with you friend…so what, right?There are judgemental people EVERYWHERE and it sucks that there is a lot of that, especially around divorce, but ya know, to each his/her own and divorce, like anything else, can’t be painted with a broad brush. it is different for everyone.

  6. […] my ability to make a marriage succeed. And of course that’s what I want, despite my whole, “So what if I get divorced” speech that I made just last week. After everything, I guess I still look at the ending of my […]

  7. You know what I think? Those who spend so much time talking about how people shouldn’t divorce because marriage is forever have A LOT of issues in their own marriage. I know this because I was one of them. I used to say shit like that all the time. I was naive. I’m only just realizing that sometimes you can’t get your jagged pieces to fit. Sometimes your relationship becomes toxic and you’re just not happy.

    I was mainly saying those things to pep talk myself, really. Now that I’ve accepted the fact that happily ever after doesn’t always exist, things have gotten much better in my own marriage. Because instead of focusing on what other people are doing and what I SHOULD do, I am focusing on us. Funny how that works out, huh?

    • I think many of us are guilty at looking at what other people are doing in their lives as some kind of measure of how WE are doing in our own. If we judge others for something that WE’RE not doing (like getting divorced, for example), then that must mean that we’re “better” people, right? I’m guilty of being a judgmental asshole sometimes myself, we all do it. But you’re right, it’s important that we focus on ourselves, and what’s happening in our own houses, and if we can do that, then it doesn’t really matter what other people are doing at all!

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