Embracing “Us”

With a mere 72 days to The Big Day, CBG and I are now deep in wedding planning mode. I’m amazed at how much work is involved even with our small, simple wedding. This past weekend was all about getting stuff done – flowers, cupcakes (in lieu of a wedding cake), a tie for CBG that will match my glorious dress.

More than once in the past couple of weeks I’ve found myself struggling. With stress, mostly — stressing out about details that I told myself initially that I wasn’t going to sweat. Like dresses for my girls, for example. We’re not having an official “wedding party”; rather, we’re having all four girls as “junior bridesmaids”, with Ankle Biter as our “ring boy” (his term). My first inclination was to just let the girls wear whatever they wanted; after all, most girls don’t get to attend their mother’s wedding, and heck, I’m wearing what *I* want, despite tradition, so why shouldn’t they be given the same opportunity? But then…along came my dress…a rather…um…striking colour…and I found myself worried about how we were all going to look together. I allowed comments from people (like my mother) cause me to doubt myself.

I decided that we would have the two older girls wear black, and the two younger girls wear something like white, off-white, or grey (matching dresses), in attempt to make everyone look a little more like a cohesive “wedding party”. We spent several outings searching for dresses that would work for both Kiddo and Lil’ Mo: two girls with very different tastes, not to mention body types. After trying on several dresses, we found one that was “okay” for both of the girls that stayed inside our budget, but they weren’t dresses that they really liked. I still felt stressed about the whole thing because quite frankly, I was still struggling with that internal battle: Do I do what I “should” do, or what I wanted to do?

On Tuesday, I had a bit of a personal breakthrough. I realized that I was stressing out about something that I’d initially planned to be pretty simple. I mean, how tough is it to find pretty dresses for two little girls? It was stressful because I was making it stressful; unnecessarily so. I knew what I had to do. I needed to stick with my original plan, the plan that felt right to me in the beginning: to the let the girls wear what they wanted. To hell with tradition, to hell with the wedding pictures, to hell with being matchy-matchy-froo-froo. Because honestly — I’m getting married in an orange dress. We’re serving pizza and cupcakes at the reception…do I really want to get stressed about what the girls were wearing?

Most importantly I realized that I want photos of our big day to reflect who we are at this moment in time. We’re all very different, with different personalities, and different likes and dislikes. We don’t always match. But in our own crazy way we all go together. And I would rather those photos reflect that part of us, and our lives, than have them be some kind of “perfect” facade of who we’re “supposed” to be. We are unique…and dammit…I want to celebrate that. It’s part of what makes our family so absolutely awesome.

I told the girls about my change of heart and they were overjoyed. I went out yesterday on my lunch break and picked out two dresses — decidedly NOT matching but in colours that I knew they both loved and looked great in. I brought them home for them to try…with the promise that if they didn’t love them, that of course we could go out and keep looking.

But guess what? They loved them. They look sweet, comfortable, and happy in their dresses that are “them”. And now they’re more excited than ever for the big day.

And as for my stress…that has magically almost completely melted away in the last two days. How ’bout that?

7 Responses

  1. No need for everyone to match! And maybe they will even wear it more then once (gasp!). Try not to stress!!

    • My stress levels have definitely gone down with this decision. I’ve realized that it’s much better for us to be “us”, than to try and be “perfect” on this one day. This is about the whole rest of our lives, right?

  2. Good Luck, I remember the stress it is tough.

  3. Be “us” than be “perfect”.

    But don’t you see that being “y’all” IS perfect?!?

    Love you so much!

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