The Permission Slip

When I first separated from my ex I didn’t give a lot of thought to the fact that I would likely one day find myself as part of a blended family. And yet, almost five years later, here I am. Blended? Uh…yeah.

It took CBG and my girls a while to find their way together. This was made more challenging, of course, by the fact that CBG lived three hours away and usually visited during our “alone” weekends together when the girls were off with their dad. It was tough for the three of them with this obstacle before them, but over time, their relationship grew. When we told them that CBG planned on moving here to be with us, they were happy and excited to have him here.

Still…their growing relationship has been a bit tentative for all of them. I’ve done my best to keep my distance and allow them the space to figure things out, simultaneously worrying about whether they’d be able to do it, and feeling confident that they absolutely would.  In some ways it was tough, giving up control and just letting them figure it out, without meddling. I love all three of them intensely, and so of course I want them to develop a strong and loving relationship. And in the past 6+ months since CBG moved here, I’ve watched them make a lot of progress.

And then, the other week, in one small little gesture, I knew that we’d finally gotten there. We were in the middle of our usual morning hullabaloo, getting everyone ready to get out the door on our way to work and school.

Kiddo appeared in the bathroom doorway as I was doing my hair.

“Mommy, I have a permission slip here, I just got [CBG] to sign it, since you’re busy.”

The smallest of gestures, so casual and yet it spoke volumes to me. It showed that she sees CBG not just as my husband-to-be, but as a parental figure and her stepdad-to-be. It was one of those small moments that in a blended family, feels like the world. Because it’s all these tiny little moments that add up to make a new family. It confirmed my decision to take a back seat in their budding relationship and just allow the three of them decide how they wanted things to progress. Because when this moment came, this tiny little moment, it was natural and just not a big deal at all.

Exactly the way I  hoped it would be.

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5 Responses to The Permission Slip

  1. I did the same thing! I tried to protect my little guy from any “further damage” and my new bf from the challenges of raising a child with disabilities. For the longest time I didn’t realize that I felt torn between them. With Mr. Zen’s (bf) encouragement I was able to let go and let them form their own relationship…one that was not dependent on me facilitating it. I am pleasantly amazed at the love they now share for each other. We are feeling more like a family because I was able to take a leap of faith and let it happen.

    • Glad that it worked out for you. It can be such a challenge as a mom to take those leaps of faith when it comes to our children, so kudos to you for being able to do that. 🙂

  2. Kay H says:

    Love your post. That gives me such encouragement although I can’t imagine dating at this point in my life. I’m going through a painful divorce (when aren’t they painful I guess). My story is here – Your post makes me see that their is happiness at the end of the tunnel, you just need to find your way to it.

    • Hi Kay. Glad you liked the post.

      I know very well how you’re feeling right now. I also went through that phase of not being able to imagine being with anyone else ever again. You’ll find happiness, too…whether it’s with someone else or on your own. You will get there!

      I’ll be sure to check out your blog. Thanks for the link!

  3. T says:

    Ahhh! This made me smile so big! I love how my girls adore GJ and his support for them is evident. Such a tiny thing that says so much. Thank you for sharing.

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