Every once in a while I become acutely aware of lessons that The Universe is trying to teach me. Usually it takes me getting bashed in the face repeatedly before it fully sinks in, but eventually I do get it. Hey. We can’t all be quick-witted all the time, now can we?
I’ll come clean and admit that I’ve been in a bit of a negative place lately. Even before the events of last week came along, which further plunged me into the depths of darkness. I feel like a bit of a shit admitting that I’m feeling negative, particularly since life has been so amazing in so many different ways. In theory, I should be on Cloud effing Nine. And don’t get me wrong — I am completely aware of, and grateful for all of the good things that I have. I wake up every single morning feeling deep gratitude for the direction that life has taken.
But still….there are other factors affecting my life right now. Most of these factors are things that are out of my control, for the most part. Things like my health, which hasn’t been great. It would seem that my iron levels have taken a plunge again, based on how I’m currently feeling. Which, in a word, is exhausted. Exhausted and cranky if we’re going to use two words. There are other factors, too, which I won’t name specifically here, but are factors which are also out of my control. Factors creating a great deal of stress, stress that I would normally deal with by going for a good long run. Which I can’t do right now, thanks to this stinkin’ anemia that leaves me feeling like the walking dead most days, even with 10+ hours of sleep a night.
And so the circle goes round and round.
And while I’m on this merry-go-round of doom, it seems like every time I make a full rotation, I get bashed in the head. With shit I just can’t seem to learn. And yet I know that I’m supposed to be learning. Hence the bashing. Because I just don’t seem to be one of those people who respond quickly enough to the ‘gentle nudge’.
This is what I am being repeatedly pounded with right now. The lessons that I desperately need to learn, once and for all.
The negative things and people in my life are all here to teach me these things.
I have the choice to either rail against them, or learn the lessons. Waste my energy being angry at people for being who they are, or use compassion to better understand where they’re coming from. Wear myself out fighting against the way things are right now, or accept circumstances for what they are, and going with the flow. Desperately trying to control every single thing that I can, or practice letting go and having faith.
I’m reaching for the good stuff, I promise. Hopefully the action of doing this will help me move just far enough out of the way that I don’t get bashed in the head again.
Because honestly, I’ve got a wicked headache.
Filed under: Uncategorized |