Embracing My Inner 14-Year-Old Boy

Now, in case you haven’t noticed now, let me make the following big announcement.

*ahem*

I have the sense of humour of a 14 year old boy.

Shocker! Stop the presses! Somebody notify TMZ! Or something. Whatevs.

I honestly think it’s one of the reasons why CBG and I get along so well….he never fails to make me laugh with his ridiculous humour. Basically nothing is off limits. Toilet humour? Check! Sodomy wisecracks? You betcha! Jokes about oral sex gone wrong? But of course! How about songs reworded to include “fart” where every “heart” should be? and “poo” instead of “you”? Naturally.

Though, for the purposes of full disclosure, I’ll take full credit for the re-worded song lyrics. That’s been a special talent of mine since about the age of eight. I know that fact alone doesn’t really make me all that special; after all, I’m sure that many of you shared this special songwriting interest in your childhoods as well. After all, we’re only human. And there really is nothing more ridiculous about the human experience than the fact that everyone poops, yet few of us are so willing to talk about it. It’s kind of funny that way, really. Let’s stop to consider pooping for a moment shall we? I don’t care if you don’t want to. Humour me for a second, will ya? As I’ve already pointed out,  it’s something that we all do, and yet for most of us, it’s an activity filled with shame and embarrassment. We got to great lengths to hide it. We don’t want to discuss it.We’d all just rather pretend that it didn’t happen.

Kind of like John Travolta and his gay pilot boyfriend. Maybe if we refuse to talk it about, it’ll mean that it never happened.

The thing for me is that unlike many of us, I just haven’t given up my love of the potty humour, and still giggle everything time I hear “______________”. Because I just can’t help myself, dammit. Plus I’ve expanded my repetoire to include many a sexual reference as well. You can thank CBG for that.

But I will say that even though CBG is new to the potty-humour-song-lyric game, he’s come up with a few doozies of his own. Though his usually have a sexual slant to them, him being the dirty-minded guy that he is. “Hey, soul sister” = “Anal fister” and “____________” has been magically transformed into “__________”.

He’s all class, that one.

I guess that’s what I get for hooking up with a word nerd like myself. This kind of thing never happened with the computer science geek I dated in university. I’m not sure what’s worse — that CBG comes up with these lyrics or that I not only laugh at them (sometimes uncontrollably) but encourage them.

And join in. *cough*

One joke that CBG and I share a particular love for is “That’s what she said”. It’s one of those jokes that once you start taking notice of opportunities to say it, you just can’t help yourself. It pops up all the time. It’s really not that hard.

My place of employment is a virtual hotbed of “that’s what she said opportunities”, but sadly I have no one at work that I am able to share them with. <insert comment here about being appropriate at work and avoiding sexual harassment charges> Sp I do what any dirty-minded resourceful person might do in a pinch; I fire off an email or a text to CBG so that we may share in the joke together. Here are just a few actual quotes generated by my coworkers over the past several months. All of these are real, actual quotes that I have overheard that have made my head nearly explode.

“I don’t mind going down.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with this thing that it won’t stay up anymore.”
“I’ll just shove this in right now while I’m here.”
“Are you coming???? I’m waiting!!!”
“It won’t stay down”.
“It’s too big, isn’t it?”
“Why is it so tiny?”
“It’s SO FRIGGIN’ LONG!!”
“Because it’s protected, I can’t just pull it out.”
“If you could just shove it in and make it larger that would be great.”
And these are just the ones that are email-worthy.

7 Responses

  1. OMG.. i am pissin laughin!!! Too freakin funny.. yes I am a 14yo boy too. LOVE THIS!

  2. I have the perfect place for you to work! My last job was with a bunch of men and three women…we were WAY past political correctness!

    • It’s true, it’s true…I would totally fail in the political correctness department. It’s not everyone who appreciates a good “that’s what she said” joke, so I tend to keep them to myself.

      It does slip out every now and again though. <- See? I can't help it!!

  3. hahahahha these are freaking awesome!!! I love TWSS as you know, but you two are the kind and queen of it, I must say. No contest. the last one of that list is my fave, so frigin funny!

  4. Hahahaha! I love it! Oh to be in your brain for a day, my friend. Oh wait… I think we share a brain! LOL!

    Great stuff!

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