When Trust Is Betrayed

You’ll be so glad that you decided to turn up for this post. Trust me.

* * * * *

You know those moments when The Universe shifts slightly? Take a moment to imagine a day when you find out that something you’ve thought — nay, believed — for your entire life was a complete and utter falsehood…

Well, friends, Tuesday was one of those days for me. A day that will forever cause me to look upon the world through jaded eyes, with even more distrust than I did before. I can liken it only to the day when I was eight years old when I found out that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny AND the Tooth Fairy weren’t real. Thanks a lot, Ruthanne MacDonnell. It may have been 30 years ago, but I still haven’t forgiven you for that one.

This time, my heart was hardened and a little piece of joy stolen all thanks to Twitter. Twitter! Crushing dreams and sucking souls since 2006. This week a little piece of my soul was squashed. But wait! Before you declare me to be a bit corny about the whole thing, lettuce continue. This bit of news that I discovered totally beet the whole santa/easter bunny/toothfairy debacle of 1982. Peas, friends, bear with me for a moment. Hopefully I won’t lose my a-peel with what I’m about to tell you. But whatever. I can’t worry about it. I yam what I yam.

Allow me to get to the root of the issue without further delay.

All of my life I have believed this vegetable to be a turnip:

No surprises here. Looks like what showed up on my dinner plate at the most inopportune times. Pretty straightforward, right?

Wrong.

Wrong!!!

I’m about to squash everything you thought you knew about turnips.  The above picture, my friends, is in fact — a rutabaga. My whole life I’ve been blindly walking around thinking that I know my way around the produce department at the grocery store. Sure, there are a few funky tropical fruits that I might not be able to readily identify, but come on…turnips were something that my parents grew in their vegetable garden, for crying out loud! I’ve always felt pretty stinkin’ confident in my vegetable identification skills. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, after all. I could totally score an A+ on any test that Mr. Food Revolution could throw my way.

He’s so smug. And ridiculously good-looking.

Except my parents didn’t grow turnips. They grew rutabagas. And like most people I know, they never knew the shocking truth. In fact, after making my shocking discovery, I actually phoned my mother to do her the favour of educating her further about root vegetables.

This, friends, is what a turnip actually looks like:

What the hell vegetable is this?

Similar, but not quite the same. Turnips and rutabagas are vegetable cousins. Not even siblings. After doing some googling I discovered that what I’ve always thought were turnips – rutabagas – are actually a cross between a cabbage and a turnip. Kind of like Uncle Cletus’ bastard love child with his cousin Trixie. Or something like that.

Definitely NOT something that most of us want to put in our mouths. #thatswhatSHEsaid

So call ’em what you want – turnips, rutabagas, nasty redneck crossbred root vegetables – it still doesn’t make me want to eat them any more. Maybe this is why they seem to be on everyone’s list of universally hated vegetables, somewhere between broccoli and brussels sprouts. Deep down, we all knew that there was just something about them not to be trusted.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust another vegetable again. Peas don’t judge me.

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16 Responses to When Trust Is Betrayed

  1. Kudos, melady…this is one entertaining post.

  2. Stacia says:

    I could never eat them. Ugh. 🙂

  3. jobo says:

    Hahahaha! That was hysterical!! I thought for sure it was something AWFUL! Love the puns too. so clever 😉 for what it’s worth I knew the first picture was not a turnip but wasn’t quite sure what the name was, but when you said rutabaga, I remembered.

  4. T says:

    Shock and awe, I tell you! SHOCK. And. AWE.

    Aww, that was funny! I had no idea either. See? You’re educational AND entertaining!

  5. Ouch. Darn you for making me laugh (crazy yoga core crunches). All those puns intended are funnier by phone reading b/c of slow scroll. I was hungry for drama dirt. Instead, memories if my dads painstaking garden efforts b I’m considering getting some radishes at my next grocery stop.

  6. The Maven says:

    There was no need – NO NEED – to out that poor vegetable. What did it ever do to you? Did it hurt anyone while it was calling itself something it really wasn’t? In time, it would have come out on its own, when it felt comfortable doing so.

    You’re, like the Perez Hilton of produce right now.

  7. Pingback: He’s Not Perfect (But Then Again, Neither Am I) « Sunshine on My Shoulder

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