You’ll be so glad that you decided to turn up for this post. Trust me.
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You know those moments when The Universe shifts slightly? Take a moment to imagine a day when you find out that something you’ve thought — nay, believed — for your entire life was a complete and utter falsehood…
Well, friends, Tuesday was one of those days for me. A day that will forever cause me to look upon the world through jaded eyes, with even more distrust than I did before. I can liken it only to the day when I was eight years old when I found out that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny AND the Tooth Fairy weren’t real. Thanks a lot, Ruthanne MacDonnell. It may have been 30 years ago, but I still haven’t forgiven you for that one.
This time, my heart was hardened and a little piece of joy stolen all thanks to Twitter. Twitter! Crushing dreams and sucking souls since 2006. This week a little piece of my soul was squashed. But wait! Before you declare me to be a bit corny about the whole thing, lettuce continue. This bit of news that I discovered totally beet the whole santa/easter bunny/toothfairy debacle of 1982. Peas, friends, bear with me for a moment. Hopefully I won’t lose my a-peel with what I’m about to tell you. But whatever. I can’t worry about it. I yam what I yam.
Allow me to get to the root of the issue without further delay.
All of my life I have believed this vegetable to be a turnip:
I’m about to squash everything you thought you knew about turnips. The above picture, my friends, is in fact — a rutabaga. My whole life I’ve been blindly walking around thinking that I know my way around the produce department at the grocery store. Sure, there are a few funky tropical fruits that I might not be able to readily identify, but come on…turnips were something that my parents grew in their vegetable garden, for crying out loud! I’ve always felt pretty stinkin’ confident in my vegetable identification skills. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, after all. I could totally score an A+ on any test that Mr. Food Revolution could throw my way.
Except my parents didn’t grow turnips. They grew rutabagas. And like most people I know, they never knew the shocking truth. In fact, after making my shocking discovery, I actually phoned my mother to do her the favour of educating her further about root vegetables.
This, friends, is what a turnip actually looks like:
Similar, but not quite the same. Turnips and rutabagas are vegetable cousins. Not even siblings. After doing some googling I discovered that what I’ve always thought were turnips – rutabagas – are actually a cross between a cabbage and a turnip. Kind of like Uncle Cletus’ bastard love child with his cousin Trixie. Or something like that.
So call ’em what you want – turnips, rutabagas, nasty redneck crossbred root vegetables – it still doesn’t make me want to eat them any more. Maybe this is why they seem to be on everyone’s list of universally hated vegetables, somewhere between broccoli and brussels sprouts. Deep down, we all knew that there was just something about them not to be trusted.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust another vegetable again. Peas don’t judge me.