Because Sometimes I Need The Reminder

So I’ve been struggling with my running ever since the marathon.  There are a lot of reasons behind it, all of which sound like excuses. I’ve been struggling with sciatica. It’s been cold and dark. CBG and I have been incredibly busy with life lately.

And yes, while all of these things are true, when I look at them long and hard, I realize that they’re nothing more than excuses. Are they good ones? Some of ’em, yeah. But mostly it boils down to this: I have not been making running (and therefore, myself) a priority in the last month or so.

It’s so easy for me to fall into that trap…giving of myself, doing for others, and wanting to simply make things happen to the point that I give too much. I end up exhausted and worn out. And you know what comes after the exhausted and worn out phase? Resentment. Resenting the people that I’m doing for and giving to, even though I’ve given and done on my own free will.

It’s a messed up mindset, I know.

The good news is that I’m not yet at that “exhausted and worn out” place yet. I’ve been heading down that road, certainly, but this time I was able to see what was happening. And now I can do something about it. I need to make myself a bigger priority in my own life. I need to take care of myself. I need to ask from others things that I need as well.

Last night I set the alarm for 5:30, which would give me the time to get up and get in a short run before work. I won’t lie, it was tough dragging myself up out of bed, but I kept reminding myself of one thing: I never regret a run after I’ve done it. Never. Even a crappy run is better than no run at all.

And so, I ran. Just a short one – 7.5 km – but it was enough to help me clear my mind and focus on myself again, if only for a little while. I realized that my lack of taking care of myself (not just in the running department, but in other ways) has a lot to do with why I’ve been feeling so unfocused lately. 

And guess what? I finished the run feeling better than I have in a very long time. Happy. Focused. Ready to take on the world. Badass.

I need to take self-care more seriously, that much is obvious. Running and staying fit is just one of those ways. In addition to keeping me happy and sane, it will also ensure that I am better able to care for the most important people in my life.

This morning’s run helped to remind me all these things. Because even though I’ve been a runner for many years now, sometimes I forget all that it does for me.

One Response

  1. Getting out there in the dark and cold is incredibly hard! But you are right, you NEVER regret it after. It is a priority and a good one to have. I felt the same way when I peeled out of bed to teach a class, promising myself I would feel better after and would WANT to fit in a short run, and I did, and ya know what? I felt great after too even though I REALLY didn’t think I would at about 5 am 😉

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