Choosing Happiness

On the walk to work this morning I was thinking about how just a few years ago I honestly wondered if I would ever feel happy again. I was drowning in depression at the time, not yet at the point where I even felt strong enough to try and struggle my way up out of it. I think I’d resigned myself to the fact that happiness was one of those things that only other people go to enjoy. That there was some secret that I hadn’t been let in on, that allowed these other people to have what I so desperately wanted myself.

Part of my problem was that I didn’t really believe that I deserved it. Wow. It’s tough writing those words; it’s such a sad thing to say about oneself.

It’s even worse to believe it.

That was something that CBG helped to teach me, after we met. That I deserved happiness.

I learned, amazingly, that there really is a magic secret to happiness. And that secret is this: Happiness is a choice.

I remember thinking this before, as well. Before my divorce, before the depression. And somewhere along the way, I forgot it. I think I wanted to forget it, frankly. Because choosing to believe that happiness is dependent on outside factors means that you don’t have to take responsibility for it. You can allow yourself to be a victim of your circumstances.

I’m not a victim. And I don’t want to see myself as one. Ever.

And so I choose happiness. Today. And every day. Sure, some days are going to suck. Some weeks, even. But the overall picture is going to be a happy one. Because I refuse to settle for anything less than that.

3 Responses

  1. marathon runner? with that I will never relate. this post, I can relate painfully well. each day out is better from the cave of depression, and I hope that “normal” jags of the blues are all that return.

    what’s up with DBG designing 5mil family rooms with no window shades btw? : )

    • I think it’s important to remember that everyone has “normal” jags of the blues…but once you’ve been through the depths of depression it’s easy to get scared when they crop up. That’s something that I struggle with…remembering what is “normal”…

  2. Yes. 🙂

    Sending love and mucho gratitude for such powerful words.

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