As I wrote about already, a lot of good things happened while on vacation last week with the whole blended family.
There were also a lot of challenges. Challenges like not having the time, energy, or opportunity for sexy time with my man. [Note to to my sister, who may be reading this: TMI alert!] This was a tough one for us, since we are usually very physical. This lack of closeness on a physical level seemed to make us disconnected on an emotional level in some ways. While we were together all week, working together as a parenting unit, we weren’t really working together as a couple unit. We both had a tough time making the transition from being Mom and Dad to gettin’ our groove on. While this may not seem like a big deal at first glance, it certainly feels like a big deal to me; I’ve learned from my past that a physical disconnect can very quickly lead to a mental and emotional disconnect. And since I’m all smart and stuff and have learned from my past mistakes, I know that this is a road that I cannot allow CBG and I to venture down along too far.
Parenting together also had it’s fair shares of challenges. We don’t often parent all of our children together in the same space for an extended period of time. And while CBG and I hold many of the same values when it comes to child rearing, our methods for getting there differ. We do our best to meet in the middle as much as possible, but it’s not always easy. To be perfectly honest, when it comes to parenting, I’m not that great at compromising. There, I said it. I guess it boils down to the fact that at the very core of me, I feel like I’m right, and I just don’t want to compromise. And hey, before you jump on the bandwagon and start sending me hate mail I realize how shitty that sounds. I understand completely that being in a blended family means that everyone has to compromise and find middle ground. I know all of these things intellectually but on an emotional level it’s hard to get myself there. Judge me if you must, but I’m pretty sure anyone else out there who has ever been a part of a blended family knows the deal.
Hey, I know I’m pretty damned awesome in a lot of ways but I’m not perfect, alright? And how boring would I be if I were? heh.
Also? I’m not yet comfortable with this whole “step-parenting a teenaged girl” thing. To be clear, it’s not that she’s a rotten kid or anything. My biggest problem is that she’s being raised by her mom and step dad in a different way than I would raise her. Remember that earlier part where I wrote about how I don’t want to compromise because I feel like I’m right? That applies here as well.I’m trying not to go all Judgey-McJudgerson here since I’ve never actually raised a teenager myself, but it’s not easy. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you all before that I’m a bit of a judgmental parent. Whatevs.
The issue is further complicated by the fact that we only see Rugrat so infrequently that I don’t get the opportunity to become comfortable with parenting her in a way that a little more closely reflects my own values and beliefs. I also wonder how much of an impact we can truly have on her when we’re not a big part of her life. Right now, a month once a year doesn’t really allow for a much of a positive influence. It also doesn’t allow for a whole lot of bonding, which I also struggle with when it comes to other people’s kids, even CBGs. I’m working on it, but the thing I’ve noticed about being a step mom is that bonding with someone else’s kids actually requires effort. It’s not like when your own kids burst forth from your loins and you’re automatically bonded to them for life, or at least until you kick ’em out of the nest to fend for themselves. No, bonding with the fruit of someone else’s loins, particularly when that someone else parents differently than you do, is challenging. ‘Nuff said.
These are just some of the challenges that we faced last week while on vacation together. Tune in next time to find how how we managed to overcome some of these challenges and work together as the awesome couple that we are.
There wasn’t any doubt that we would, was there?
Filed under: CBG, evil stepmom, family, figuring stuff out, living and learning, mom stuff, Rugrat, Uncategorized | Tagged: blended families, family, life, parenting, relationships, single mom, step parenting, vacation |