I was struck this morning by just how much running is a mental game as it is physical. It’s not something that I consider until I’m in a place where my mental state is “off”.
Like it was this morning.
Physically I know that I can run. Last weekend I ran 34 km just to prove it to myself. So I know it’s not that I can’t physically do what I need to do. This morning it was all about what my mind could do…or in this case, what it couldn’t do.
It’s amazing how when you’re mentally and emotionally weighed down it actually feels like it’s physically weighing you down as well. That’s the place where I’m today, mentally weighed down to the point where it feels like I’ve got a 100 pound weight on my back. There are just too many things on my mind. Lingering bad feelings about what’s been happening recently with my ex. Work stuff. Money issues. Moving stress. A fight with CBG. It all feels like it’s too much to cope with right now. I am struggling to figure out how I’m going to make it through the next two or three months.
I just couldn’t seem to let any of that go today in order to have a good run. I managed a short 7.5 km, but it was a struggle the entire way. I just couldn’t seem to unburden myself to do what I needed to do. Which doubly sucks, since a good long run is almost always the best cure for a big pile of festering mental bullshit.
I guess coffee will have to be my saviour today. Please don’t let me down….