Last week was one of the most hellish weeks that I can remember in a long time. Work was responsible for most of the suckage. I did my best to fight back against the negativity. I headed out into the world on Friday morning with a brave face and a vow to do whatever it took to improve the situation, and most importantly, my mood.
The thing is….it didn’t really work.
I survived Friday at work with a minimum of issues (even managed to leave a little bit early), and then Friday night completely exploded in my face when I had a two hour knock-down, drag-out argument on the phone with my ex husband. While my girls were in the other room. It was emotional, heart-wrenching, and has broken down some of the trust and good feelings that we have worked together to build up in the last couple of years. I’m not saying that we’re back at square one, but we have definitely lost our footing and had a major backwards slide. Feelings of anger, resentment, hurt and mistrust have been brought to the surface once again.
Definitely not what I needed after the week I’d had.
I woke up Saturday morning, unable to shake the negativity. I pressed on with my weekend, spending a good chunk of Saturday with my girls at their school spring fair; we spent the day together and while being focused on them certainly helped, it wasn’t the magic cure that I was looking for.
The thing is this: there is no magic cure.
I am powerless over the things in my life that are causing me stress and anxiety right now. The situation at work is completely out of my control. I can not make my ex see the truth of this situation that we have found ourselves in. Trying to do anything about either of these situations will really only cause me further stress and anxiety.
So now I can only look at the one thing that actually do have control over — my own attitude. I can choose to wallow, allowing these people and situations to drag me down, or I can choose to pull myself up by bootstraps, slap on a positive attitude and get on with the business of life. At this point, when I’m being perfectly honest with myself, I think I’m going to go for a bit of a comb-pack on this one; another day or two of wallowing before I set my mood to “positive” and press onwards.
Today I will look for the balance between acknowledging, honouring and allowing my feelings, and doing my best to be happy, positive and optimistic.