Looking Fear in the Eye

On the days like this past Sunday when the fear sets up camp in my already overwhelmed brain, I need to remind myself of this moment that happened while CBG and I were on vacation:

While on our cave tubing adventure in Belize, I was presented with this amazing opportunity to jump off that gigantic rock and into the Belizian jungle river. CBG and I stood on the sidelines and watched a few brave souls take the plunge. As I stood there watching I realized that I actually really wanted to do it, too. I stood there quietly watching, with an inner battle going on. I wanted to jump, but as expected, I was scared to do it. Then suddenly there was a little voice in my head that told me that if I didn’t do it, I would always regret that decision.

I looked at CBG. “I’m doing it.”

His eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yes! Take pictures.”

I knew that this was a moment I would always want to remember.

I climbed up the bank and one of our cave-tubing hosts helped me out onto the edge of the rock. I stood there for a moment, hesitating, knowing that this was “now or never” time.

I paused for only a second, thinking about fear: most importantly, that I don’t want it to define my life. I don’t want it hold me back.

As CBG begin this new chapter of our lives, I have lots of reasons to be fearful. Change is tough. Being vulnerable and opening ourselves up the possibility of failure isn’t easy. The last four-ish years of my life have been all about pushing forward despite my fears. I have had lots of reasons to be fearful and allow that fear to restrict me…but I have learned, and I have triumphed despite it.

It’s not the fear that’s the problem…it’s allowing the fear to take control and hold us back that’s the issue.

This past Friday I had this Note from the Universe waiting for me in my inbox:

Fear, Kelly, like joy, usually means that you’re exactly where you should be, learning what you’re ready to learn, about to become more than who you were.

I’m in a place where I need to look fear in the eye and embrace it. Just like the moment when stood there on that rock overhanging the river in Belize, this is “now or never” time. I can allow my fear to hold me back and create my own failure, or I can take a risk and leap and open up possibilities of exceeding my own expectations. One choice will make my world smaller. The other will open it up beyond even my wildest dreams.

Do I want to live a life full of possibilities? You bet your ass I do.

Feeling fear is a normal part of life, this I know. We all experience fear, especially in the face of change and the unknown. The fear itself isn’t the problem, it’s how we choose to react to that fear. And you know what? I refuse to allow myself to be held back by it. I’m on the cusp of something here with all of this, I can feel it.

I need to just close my eyes and jump.

9 Responses

  1. I was SOOOO proud of you for doing that. I was looking around to make sure other people were watching (lol).

    Fear is natural…especially when a big life change is on the horizon. It’s how we deal with fear that will dictate how things actually end up going.

    I love these pics.

    🙂

  2. Wow. That quote gave me goosebumps — how spot on is that, huh? Fear is like joy and just means that we’re right where we’re supposed to be — it’s how we approach that emotion that makes all the difference. And in your case, embracing it vs. letting it control you will only lead to huge growth and even more breakthroughs and opportunities for you personally but also for you and your relationship with CBG. Love this post and all that it signifies – particularly how much it signifies your badassness!! I’m not sure if I could will myself to jump off that ledge!!

  3. Wow, that gave me goosebumps too!!! GO for it with CBG just like you did with that plunge into the water. You GOT this. LOVE the pictures!!

  4. Ok, that was perfect. How much more perfect of an analogy is that?!?

    Go on with your bad self.

    Mwah!

  5. Love that quote and love this post. Good for you!

  6. Awesome post! Can I pretend you were talking to me?

  7. Nice photos! There are some moments we really want to remember and pictures help us a lot in keeping the memories we’d always want to treasure in our hearts.

  8. […] reality of everything has set in and the list of things to be afraid of is long. I’ve been trying to fight it, but damn, it’s not […]

  9. […] Sunshine on My Shoulder – It’s the sunshine award, how could I not nominate a blogger who goes by the name of Sunshine?  Plus she jumped off a cliff while cave tubing in Belize.  (They didn’t do the cliff thing when I went cave tubing.) […]

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