Getting My Life Back

*This post was inspired by one from my bloggy friend Jobo. If you haven’t checked out her blog yet, you definitely should!
Three years ago life felt pretty dark. I’d been split up with my ex for just over 7 months. It had only been a couple of months that I was living on my own. CBG and I were broken up. (For those of you who don’t know the history, CBG and I broke up for a 2 1/2 month period not long after we first got together…but fate and our feelings for each other and what we had brought us back together…). I was still struggling with depression and anxiety. I was experiencing difficulty with people who had been in my life for a long time, people that I wrongfully believed were my friends. I had no job. I barely had any possessions. I was struggling in every way imaginable — financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I had zero confidence in myself and my ability to parent, my ability to find a good job, my ability to run a household on my own, my ability to maintain a healthy relationship, both romantic or otherwise. Most of all, I lacked the confidence that my life would ever be “normal” again. “Normal” was all I hoped for! A “good” and “happy” life seemed almost too much to ask.
And like my friend Jobo, I don’t feel so much like I “rebuilt” my life. I built a whole new one from scratch. Three years ago I had virtually nothing except my two wonderful daughters and the hope for something better for all of us. A life that I felt good about, satisfied with.
And though it has been a long and sometimes difficult road, I finally feel like I am there. I have a good job. Every day I am moving toward a stronger financial position. I have a man who adores me in exactly the way I’ve always wanted to be adored. My girls are thriving, despite having parents that are no longer together. I am running my home with confidence. I am strong – mentally, physically and emotionally. I am seeing and doing things that I never imagined. Hell – a week from now I’ll be on a frickin’ cruise ship in the western Caribbean! how fortunate am I?? I have built friendships with people who I am able to trust and who value me just as I am. I am moving closer and closer to being the writer that I’ve always dreamed of being.
No, life isn’t perfect. It will never be. And honestly? I’m kind of glad that it isn’t. It is the imperfections and the difficulties that I’ve experienced along the path that have taught me the most. They are the reason that I am who I am today…that life looks as sweet as it does right now.
I feel like I made it. Like I have found the “happy” that I’ve been searching for for so long. And the best news of all? It’s only going to keep getting better.

4 Responses

  1. You deserve it, my friend. And one thing you left out that is on your plate…you so willingly help others who are/were in your position. xoxo

  2. This post gave me chills!! You have found your happy, you have climbed through a lot of crap to get here, but you are here. And that’s all that matters. And had you not gone through the crap, you may not have even realized that THIS is what it’s supposed to feel like!! And thank you for the shoutout, you are so sweet. Made my morning 🙂 XOXO

  3. LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE this post!! Obviously Jo’s post totally got me good seeing as I’m her sister and all 😉 — but what really struck me in her post and in yours is how you’ve totally NOT rebuilt your lives, you’ve revised your lives into an entirely new life that is all yours to be proud of, to show off, to thrive in. I am so happy you are inching closer and closer to your happiest spot of all. You totally deserve it my dear.

  4. Go girl! I could actually feel you rising up through this post. This is a good one. 🙂

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