Hamster Wheel

Life has been moving at an incredible pace lately. I’m unable to keep up. There are simply too many things to get done, and not nearly enough hours to get them all done in. Priorities have been emerging, and they’re not necessarily the things I want to focus on. Taking care of myself, particularly in terms of making time to run and do yoga and similar good things for me, has fallen by the wayside. And I’m feeling it.

Every day I made to-do lists and every night I go to bed with several items still not crossed off. Christmas is rushing toward us and I still have so many things to accomplish in order to be ready for it. I figured out yesterday that the only way I can get everything done is if I stopped sleeping for a few weeks. Those extra eight hours every day could really be used to get stuff done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know all about the “hustle and bustle” of the holidays, but this is reached a point where I’m feeling overwhelmed and panicked. I can’t enjoy the time that I’m supposed to be “relaxing” or “having fun” because my mind is swirling with all the things I “need” to get done. When I’m sitting still, even to play with my girls or, heaven forbid, sleep, I can’t help but think that I’m wasting precious time when I could be crossing things off one of my many to do lists.This past weekend the girls and I had a play date with friends that we used to spend a lot of time with when the girls were little, but don’t get to see one another very often at all anymore. I spent the whole time silently anxious about the things waiting for me to do at home…to the point where I wasn’t really able to enjoy visiting with my friend. That’s really not how it should be. At all.

These past few days I have been feeling anxious, exhausted, stressed, and grumpy. I can’t seem to enjoy the holidays or get in the spirit because of all the things piled on my back that I still need to get done.  I’m not sure if I’ve over-committed myself, or if I’m just terrible at time management, or what. The hamster wheel is still spinning, spinning, spinning….and my anxiety levels are going up every single day. On top of all the things I need to do, my brain is overworked as well, as I find myself thinking and worrying about CBG and everything he’s going through right now in terms of dealing with his ongoing depression.

The worst part is that I know what I need to do in order to deal with the anxiety and stress levels, but honestly? I don’t have the time to do them.

And as for getting off the wheel? Well, that definitely won’t be happening any time soon.

3 Responses

  1. Hang in there, my friend! Hugs to you.

  2. I HATE when I have too much on my plate and feel like I can’t do any one thing good, everything feels rushed and half-assed. It’s hard when you feel the weight of the world on you, so all I can say is try and take a deep breath, step back and do those things on your to-do’s that you must do, that you WANT to do and those that you feel obligated to do? pick and choose.

  3. I’m feeling crazy rushed all the time too, right now. Just doing what I can, bit by bit, and forgiving myself for the rest.

    CBG has to figure things out for himself. You can’t take care of him and you too. He knows that. Allow him to find it on his own.

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