Brain Dump

  • I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but at some point yesterday, a foul mood descended upon me. I’m feeling grumpy, impatient and anxious. I keep rolling things over in my mind that irritate me, and it feels like the list just keeps getting longer. I’m irritable and annoyed at most things. I’m avoiding airing any of these issues because at this point I feel like it’s only going to make them worse (and no, it’s not hormone-related). At this point I kinda feel like I should hole myself up alone for a week or so and wait for this to pass. I’m kind of like an irritated bear just waiting for an excuse to ‘let loose’ on the wrong person. I’m really not fit to be around other humans. Unfortunately, life doesn’t give me that option.
  • I finally registered for the half marathon, just this past Monday. It’s about time, considering that it’s this weekend. I’ve been trying not to stress out about it too much. I know that I can do it; at this point it’s just about how fast I can do it. Um…yeah. I always like to add a little pressure to myself.
  • Coming up is my third weekend in a row with CBG. Another hectic one, since it’s the marathon weekend. Seems like we never get a relaxing “do nothing” weekend anymore. Life in general feels a little too fast for me. The weeks are whipping by and I don’t even have the time to stop and catch my breath. This is a feeling I do not like.
  • I’ve been kind of a shitty blogger lately. I haven’t been writing much, and I definitely haven’t been reading much. See above bullet re: not having any time.
  • I’ve recently committed to blogging for another site on a regular basis. I’ve yet to write one single post for them. Seems like my inspiration dried up the moment I made the commitment. See bullet re: being a shitty blogger.
  • Come to think of it, I’m kind of shitty in a lot of ways – not just in the blogger department. I’m a bit of a shitty mother these days. I was cranky and impatient with the girls over the weekend (stress in anticipation of a family get-together). My eight year old commented last week that she forgot what my laugh sounded like, because it’s been so long since she’s heard it. I’m a shitty girlfriend for sure, for all the things I’ve been thinking about CBG; for not opening up to him about everything I’m feeling right now. Communication is definitely NOT the name of my game. I’ve been a shitty friend lately; so wrapped up in myself and my own small little life that I haven’t been taking the time for others as I should. Recently I even had a friend call me out on my shittiness. And she’s right.

And yeah. Here’s where I cut off this post before it turns into a full blown pity party. I’ll leave it at a “shitty party” and call it good for today. Hopefully the mood improves, is all I have left to say at this point.

9 Responses

  1. Feel better, my friend! (((HUGS)))

  2. I have had those days too. You will get past them. I’m so glad you registered for the half marathon because I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT TOO. As for how fast you can do it, what I’ve found from listening to other (more hard-core than me) runners is that it really all depends on the day of the run. Some days are better than others. Sometimes you don’t feel good; sometimes the weather sucks. You won’t know till you start!

    Here’s one thing I can do: run with you virtually. I’m two hours earlier than you, and your race starts at 8:00 on Sunday, right? Give me an estimate of how long you think it will take you and I promise to run with you for part of the time!

  3. You are NOT shitty at ANYTHING! You just said it: life gets too busy sometimes. This is one of those times. Everything feels like it’s done shittily (yes ,I just made up that word, it’s great, right?!) because you have to go 15 things at once and it’s hard to do them all perfectly. So, please, friend, cut yourself a little slack…and YAY for your half marathon this weekend!!! I can’t wait to hear all about it!!!! (I signed up last minute for mine too1)

    • Totally agree with my sis on this one – you’re cutting yourself zero slack my friend. You are juggling a LOT right now. Take a deep breath and give yourself just a teeny tiny break. Pretty please?

  4. I hear where you FEEL shitty but that doesn’t mean you can declare yourself shitty. We all do shitty things… but our actions aren’t who we are.

    You hit the nail on the head. You need a relaxing something…. either alone or with your girls or with your man. I’m thinking alone. Because you’re feeling shitty because you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. How about a yoga class or a quiet evening with a good book? Or… how about a funny movie?! Laughter is a shitty remover!!!

    We love you. You’ll get through this in no time!

  5. I feel like this most days right now. Alcohol and lots of it is the key!

  6. There is nothing shitty about you!!!!

    You have are a great blogger, friend, mother and, I am sure, partner.

    Perhaps, just now, you need a little “you” time.

    Take it and enjoy it!

  7. When I feel like this, I head straight to a hot yoga

    For some reason the sweat pouring off me and the deep breathing
    soothes my soul and brings peace of mind like nothing else can…

    Now if only it were cheaper so I could afford more of those moments 🙂

    But when I feel super crappy I just splurge on it without thinking twice
    fpr my own mental health!

  8. Kids…they can usually pinpoint our weaknesses. I’m sorry you’re feeling badly but I do understand how that happens! Give yourself a break–you deserve one!

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