Insecurity & PMS

I’m in the death throes of PMS as I write this.

I find it interesting that the PMS Monster seems to always keep me on my toes, punching me in my most vulnerable areas. But it’s smart enough to keep me on toes, often attacking in places I least expect.

This weekend, I’ve gotten a good swift uppercut right in my insecurity zone.

It’s weird, too, because the usual area that I feel the most insecurity in is my relationship, but oddly enough, this month, my relationship isn’t the thing that’s getting the beating. I feel fine in terms of CBG and I. It’s everything else in my life that I’m struggling with in terms of insecurity. I’m being weighed down with this feeling of “less than” when it comes to so many things. I hate my apartment. I hate the way I look. I feel like I’m not being the mom that I should be to the girls. I hate that I only get to see them 50% of the time – I have days when I feel like I’m on the outside looking in on their lives. I spent too much time re-living past regrets. I feel generally dissatisfied with myself as a whole. I generally feel just “not good enough” in most areas of my life, to the point where I’m bordering on self-loathing.

Last night I found myself on the warpath — feeling like I was looking for someone to “go off on”. I put the girls to bed early and headed off myself shortly afterward, without phoning CBG. I didn’t want to take my mood out on someone else.

And this morning?ย  Well so far it’s not much better. I seem to only see the bad stuff. I am cynical and angry. I know that it’s my hormones talking but damned if they can’t talk me into feeling like crap for long after the PMS has come and gone.

It’s one of those days when I wish I could just hole myself up and forget the rest of the world.

8 Responses

  1. Oh, I definitely feel you. I usually blow up and cry and make people around me miserable (well, usually just the Writer), and then after the fact I say, “Oh. Crap. PMS.”

    Just go back and read your post from Friday…maybe that will help.

  2. Um… yep.

    I think I’m getting close to menopause. Wanna talk about fun?!?

    Mean-o-pause…

    ((hugs)) all around!

  3. I hope this passes for you soon -the emotional upheaval must be exhausting.

  4. ugh ugh ugh there is NOTHING worse than PMS that pushes all those insecurities to the surface. hateful spiteful pms. I am on the verge of that myself and totally feel insecurities peeking out that normally I can keep at bay. It’s just so frustrating that hormones can wreak such havoc on confidence, and really on every little thing in our lives for that one week of the month. Hugs to you!

  5. Awe! Friend! I hope you at feeling better because you are so much more than all the areas you say you hate. Amazing in every way. Xoxo!

  6. Not that I know much about this subject but my ex was diagnosed with a condition called PMDD – which seems to be described as PMS on steroids.

    I’m not suggesting that you have it but it may be worth checking it out. My ex was diagnosed with depression in the past (as I, believe, you have been) and, it turns out, it was never depression but actually PMDD. She is now having injections to bring on a temporary state of menopause.

    Sometimes, I’m glad to be a man!

    Anyway, I hope that you’re feeling much better soon.

  7. Oh girl, I used to have that same problem. Luckily, I haven’t had that problem since I had the Mirena put in. I still get a little weepy and sensitive but it only hurts me and not everyone around me. Lol I’ll be sending you positive happy thoughts!

    • I had my tubes tied just over a year ago, so need for the Mirena here. lol I’m doing okay….working on nurturing and taking care of myself as best I can. It’s not easy some days. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the positive happy thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚

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