Becoming Sunshine

I realized something  very important this past weekend.

In the past three years I have grown, changed and evolved as a person. Some of this would have happened naturally, with the end of my marriage, losing my community and becoming a single working mom (after being a stay at home mom for many years). But other parts of this evolution has come as a direct result of having CBG in my life.

He not only accepts the broken parts of me, but he actually loves them. He brings out the best in me. He gives me space to flourish and grow and figure things out on my own. I am strong and independent, even while in a relationship. I am more confident and comfortable with myself and my life than I have been in my entire life. I like the person that I am. And kids, I gotta say, this is a huge one for me.

CBG brings out so many good qualities in me. He has helped me find that positive person that was buried for so long. When we are together we are joyful, outgoing and positive. Anything seems possible. And while this used to be just a phenomenon when we were together, I am finding, more and more, that this is spilling over into the rest of my life. There used to be a huge separation between the person I was when I was with CBG vs. the person I am when I’m on my own. This is becoming the case less and less. This positive, outgoing, adventuresome, grateful and joyful person is present a lot more than she’s not…no matter if CBG is in the room or not.

On Saturday we went ziplining together in celebration of CBG’s 39th birthday. On the way home, still beaming with excitement from our adventure I realized that we are people who do things. I went from being one of those people who always said things like, “I’ve always wanted to do XYZ” but never actually did them, to being a person who gets out there and lives life. Together, CBG and I are doers. The things we do may not necessarily be huge things, but we’re not sitting on the sidelines of life. We show up to the party and squeeze every bit of fun that we can out of it, no matter what it is. We get to smile later and say, “We did that!”, rather than saying “I wish we did that” or “we could do that if…”

And I love that about us. I love that about me….that I no longer allow fear, anxiety, and uncertainty to hold me back from being the person that I know I was always meant to be.

What an amazing feeling that is.

6 Responses

  1. aww!! ziplining!! that is freaking awesome!!! I totally agree with you…I DO things now too, not just ‘wish’ I did them. CBG puts the SUN in SUNSHINE for you, doesn’t he? Okay, that was cheesy, but I love it 🙂

  2. I couldn’t possibly like this post any more! I love that you’ve become a “do-er” instead if a “wish-er” I am trying to find that in myself as well, and it’s hard.

    Congrats and happy 39th to CBG!

  3. That looks like so much fun! Very happy to see your sunshiny face!

    Guess you guys had a great weekend, eh? 🙂

  4. LOVE that you’re loving who you are now more than you ever have – both with CBG and when not together. It’s like you’re entering this new phase of self-love and reflection and it’s amazing to see. I especially love seeing the joy bursting from your smile after ziplining, how awesome!!

  5. Thank you for this positive post.

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