Bittersweet

My ex and I were married on September 1st, 2001.

We were officially divorced as of August 11, 2011.

In the 10 years between those two events there were a lot of fights, a lot of tears, a lot of anger, a lot of hurt.

There was also a lot of laughter, a lot of friendship, and a lot of love. Not to mention two beautiful daughters.

I knew that it was coming. And on Friday my final Certificate of Divorce arrived in the mail. As I stood there holding it in my hands, a range of emotions washed over me. It’s been a long time in the works; I used to think that I would have a huge celebration when I was able to hold this piece of paper in my hands. But now, where I’m at today, mentally and emotionally, a party just isn’t suiting. The final dissolution of one of the most significant relationships of my entire life just isn’t a reason to celebrate. There’s a certain sadness there, for all the ways that he and I hurt one another over the years. Not even after our split but before that – with our codependence and our own stunted emotional selves. I grew so much as a result of the things I learned both from our marriage and from our separation. There’s also a certain sadness knowing that we couldn’t make it work, despite the fact that there were many good years together.

And while I’m very happy and excited to be starting a new chapter of my life, saying goodbye to something as significant and life-changing as my marriage just isn’t a reason to throw a party. I am definitely ready to move forward, but it will be with all of the valuable lessons that I learned from my exhusband and our marriage.

I am ready to move on, and that is definitely a reason to be happy. I am a changed person because of my marriage (and my divorce). I am a better woman. Better able to love – my man, my life, myself. I will carry the lessons learned and our happy memories from my marriage with me forever. Those things are definitely reasons to celebrate.

One door has finally closed. I am ready for the next one to open.

4 Responses

  1. Wow, we’re sort of on the same wavelength in our posts again, huh? (mine from yesterday) I completely agree with you…it was bittersweet once I had that paper in my hands too. Felt strange, oddly like I had lost something and was mourning, but on the flip side, as though I was on the edge of great. Just as you are right now!

  2. I think it is normal to feel that way…you were married for almost a decade but I sense your strength. You will do great 🙂

  3. What is the process for divorce in Canada? Is it different than here in the states? Where I live the divorce is final on the 91st day after it is filed, unless you can’t file amicably and go to court (a long process I endured) and then it is filed as soon as the judge makes a ruling.

  4. I’ve been feeling a little melancholy about my own divorce recently. I took the kids on holiday and, almost, envied those “complete” families.

    I don’t think anyone knows, unless they’ve been there, just how difficult divorce really is.

    I hope you all can now find great happiness – you, your ex and your kids.

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