D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Yesterday I got a surprise in the mail.

When I saw the big brown envelope in my mailbox, from my lawyer’s office, my stomach dropped. My first inclination was that there was something wrong with the original documents I’d signed more than a month ago now and they’d been returned. It seemed too soon for anything else to have happened, particularly considering a) how incompetent my lawyer has been, and b) the fact that she told me it would take at least a couple of months for the divorce to go through.

I walked inside and tore open the envelope. I looked closely, waiting for the frustration to rise.

Instead, I saw the words, “Divorce Order”.

My divorce papers.

And just like that, I am no longer a married woman.

My first reaction was relief.

My second – excitement. In less than thirty days I am, theoretically, free to re-marry. I’m able to finally move on with my life.

Except….I’m not. And realizing that is when the disappointment and frustration kicked in. That’s when I remembered that CBG continues to drag his feet in terms of getting his own paperwork ready so he can finalize his own divorce. It was difficult for me to celebrate this milestone in my life, knowing that truly moving on isn’t quite yet possible, and likely won’t be for a while to come.

It’s tough accepting that I’m in a different place in my life right now than he is. It’s tough accepting that maybe we have different priorities. It’s tough remembering that I have to remain focused on myself right now, particularly when it feels like his issues are negatively affecting my life.

I know that what I need to do is let go of these feelings of frustration and resentment and focus on doing my own thing and allowing him to do his. It’s not an easy thing for me, and yet for my own sanity I know that it’s what needs to happen.

So what would I do if I weren’t feeling disappointed and frustrated? I would sit back with a smile on my face and celebrate the beginning of a new chapter of my life. I would feel excited about the future and the possibilities that lay ahead. I would feel relief at finally putting this whole divorce chapter behind me.

And so…that is exactly what I will try to do today.

Congratulations, Sunshine. You’re getting there.

24 Responses

  1. You ARE getting there! xox

  2. It’s so strange to celebrate a divorce isn’t it? But I did the same thing. It was like a weight lifting off my shoulders!!! Man it’s hard to not be at the same place with your love…I totally know what you mean. It’s important that you focus on you…figure out how much you can deal with in terms of the differences and continue to move on. Congrats!

    • I’ll be honest. There is a certain sadness there that my marriage ultimately didn’t work. I’m still letting go of some of the hopes and dreams that I had for my life based on what my ex and I had together.

      But as I said, I’m ready to move on, and this is definitely the beginning of a new chapter in my life. So that part I am absolutely ready to celebrate! 😀

  3. Wow! This is great news! And yes, it can be frustrating but you can only just…do what you’re doing…and hope it inspires others to do the same.

    So excited that you have this weight lifted off! Congratulations!

  4. What a big step.

  5. Congrats!! I can say that knowing it has been a long time coming and you probably feel how I felt – relieved and excited that this phase you are living in finally feels ‘real’ without that label over your head (separated, married etc). Hopefully soon enough, even more to celebrate when CBG’s is final too (allowing, patience, both things I struggle with too). I will toast to you this evening!!

  6. Cheers friend!! So happy you’ve reached this milestone and are choosing to celebrate it accordingly! I’ll cheers to you tonight!!

  7. Congratulations!

  8. Congrats on moving onto a new chapter in your life. I got those same papers a year ago and I remember the feeling!

    I hope you take some time and celebrate a little, it’s an important step that is necessary in order to fully move forward. Hopefully for both of you CBG can start moving forward with his own paperwork soon.

  9. Wow, quite the month for divorce papers to arrive, isn’t it? Congratulations. I’m sure it feels good to finally have that checked off the list. And I hear you on the frustration of waiting for someone else to wrap things up too. Every once in a while The Man would bring up the topic of marriage, and I always hated that conversation because it wasn’t something that could really happen. But he needed to take the time he took to finish it up. Hopefully CBG will kick it up a notch, but if he doesn’t, I’m sure he has his reasons. Still, YOU accomplished something pretty major, and I hope you celebrate in some small way the closing of one chapter and the beginning of a new (better!) one.

    • This has been on my ‘to accomplish’ list for quite some time now…so it feels great to finally be able to cross it off.

      CBG and I have also discussed marriage, and like you, I’m beginning to hate the conversation, because even though I’ve made progress myself, it’s still not something that can happen.

      As for CBG, I just have to remember to give him space and let him do things on his own, despite how frustrating it may feel for me. 😉

  10. Congrats on your new chapter in life and freedom to let
    go of the past regrets as much as possible.

    No doubt there are some great memories too-
    especially the birth of your two beautiful daughters 🙂

    Wishing you a “happy dance” kinda day !!

    • I have very few regrets from my past, actually. For a while, my ex and I had a very good marriage. I have some wonderful memories from that time and I’ll be forever grateful for my two amazing little girls.

      It’s just good to be moving on with the next phase of my life. 🙂

  11. What a huge moment for you! Regardless of what happens with your guy, I hope you feel at peace and excited about the life you’re creating for yourself.

  12. I read this when you first posted it, but am only now getting around to commenting. Why? Because there’s *so much* involved when the paperwork is finalized… and so little, at the same time.

    Congratuations on moving your life forward. It’s a huge step. It’s a tiny step. But it’s a step *forward*.

    You rock. I wish you the best of success as you continue to build your new life, for you and for your kids. Here’s to a great future, my friend.

  13. […] I knew that it was coming. And on Friday my final Certificate of Divorce arrived in the mail. As I stood there holding it in my hands, a range of emotions washed over me. It’s been a long time in the works; I used to think that I would have a huge celebration when I was able to hold this piece of paper in my hands. But now, where I’m at today, mentally and emotionally, a party just isn’t suiting. The final dissolution of one of the most significant relationships of my entire life just isn’t a reason to celebrate. There’s a certain sadness there, for all the ways that he and I hurt one another over the years. Not even after our split but before that – with our codependence and our own stunted emotional selves. I grew so much as a result of the things I learned both from our marriage and from our separation. There’s also a certain sadness knowing that we couldn’t make it work, despite the fact that there were many good years together. […]

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