The last time I really remembering feeling like I was part of a true ‘sisterhood’ was when I was in University. My two best girlfriends and I lived together in a rooming house when we were 19.
Those were some good times. We partied, we laughed until it hurt, we shared secrets, we drove each other nuts. It was an important year for me in terms of creating friendship and learning about the adult I was becoming. One of those girls is still very much a very close friend of mine, though we live in different cities and haven’t seen each other in person in about 7 years.
Friendships have been difficult for me as an adult, for reasons I’m not really going to get into here and now. I’ll just say that for a long time I thought that I had a group of close, loving friends behind me, and shortly after my ex and I split, I came to the realization that those friends had agendas of their own – agendas that prevented us from being good, close friends. I had just been too blind to see it for many years. Though they acted like friends, they never were – because when the chips were down and shit got real they jumped ship. And beyond that, even when we were all friends, there was never that close feeling of sisterhood there. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was just….different.
In the last three years or so, since losing those particular friends, I have felt an absence in my life in this department. Sure, I have girlfriends, but I’m finding that as I get older, it’s more difficult to create those lasting friendships that seemed so easy to form when we were younger. In short, I have been missing that feeling of “sisterhood”.
A few months back I connected with a single mom who lives in my neighbourhood. She’s the mom of one of Lil’ Mo’s friends at school. We had bumped into one another in the neighbourhood a few times, and then one day we finally exchanged phone numbers. We made a plan to get together one night, along with a good single-momma friend of hers.
And just like that, a sisterhood was born.
When we’re together it’s like an episode of Sex and the City and Oprah all wrapped up into one. We laugh hysterically and dish about our sex lives one minute, and then analyze our deepest thoughts the next. We talk about work, motherhood and our ex husbands. We drink wine and act ridiculous. We give each other the space to be exactly who we are, and accept the result.
We generally get together every single week these days, and it does my heart and soul so much good. One of the best things about these friends are that it feels like a fresh start for me. Though they know about my troubled past (issues with friends, depression and anxiety), they are separate from it since they weren’t a part of my life while this whole mess was going on. And when I dished to them about that whole chapter of my life, they didn’t blink an eye. They accepted it as part of my personal history and chose to look at the woman they see in front of them today. It was a welcome breath of fresh air…particularly since I had grown accustomed to codependent, judgmental “friends” with less-than-desirable agendas. These new friends? They just want to live their lives and let me live mine.
I feel so fortunate to have found this sisterhood. It’s something that’s been missing for most of my adult life…but I didn’t really stop to realize it until I had it back in my life.
I feel like a void has been filled.