The last time I really remembering feeling like I was part of a true ‘sisterhood’ was when I was in University. My two best girlfriends and I lived together in a rooming house when we were 19.

Those were some good times. We partied, we laughed until it hurt, we shared secrets, we drove each other nuts. It was an important year for me in terms of creating friendship and learning about the adult I was becoming. One of those girls is still very much a very close friend of mine, though we live in different cities and haven’t seen each other in person in about 7 years.

Friendships have been difficult for me as an adult, for reasons I’m not really going to get into here and now. I’ll just say that for a long time I thought that I had a group of close, loving friends behind me, and shortly after my ex and I split, I came to the realization that those friends had agendas of their own – agendas that prevented us from being good, close friends. I had just been too blind to see it for many years. Though they acted like friends, they never were – because when the chips were down and shit got real they jumped ship. And beyond that, even when we were all friends, there was never that close feeling of sisterhood there. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was just….different.

In the last three years or so, since losing those particular friends, I have felt an absence in my life in this department. Sure, I have girlfriends, but I’m finding that as I get older, it’s more difficult to create those lasting friendships that seemed so easy to form when we were younger. In short, I have been missing that feeling of “sisterhood”.

A few months back I connected with a single mom who lives in my neighbourhood. She’s the mom of one of Lil’ Mo’s friends at school. We had bumped into one another in the neighbourhood a few times, and then one day we finally exchanged phone numbers. We made a plan to get together one night, along with a good single-momma friend of hers.

And just like that, a sisterhood was born.

When we’re together it’s like an episode of Sex and the City and Oprah all wrapped up into one. We laugh hysterically and dish about our sex lives one minute, and then analyze our deepest thoughts the next. We talk about work, motherhood and our ex husbands. We drink wine and act ridiculous. We give each other the space to be exactly who we are, and accept the result.

We generally get together every single week these days, and it does my heart and soul so much good. One of the best things about these friends are that it feels like a fresh start for me. Though they know about my troubled past (issues with friends, depression and anxiety), they are separate from it since they weren’t a part of my life while this whole mess was going on. And when I dished to them about that whole chapter of my life, they didn’t blink an eye. They accepted it as part of my personal history and chose to look at the woman they see in front of them today. It was a welcome breath of fresh air…particularly since I had grown accustomed to codependent, judgmental “friends” with less-than-desirable agendas. These new friends? They just want to live their lives and let me live mine.

I feel so fortunate to have found this sisterhood. It’s something that’s been missing for most of my adult life…but I didn’t really stop to realize it until I had it back in my life.

I feel like a void has been filled.

7 Responses

  1. I LOVE this. SO much. Because I completely get what you mean…as much as I love my friends and have a few good, close ones, there are also some friends that have their own agendas in terms of their me-me-me attitude and frankly, that’s NOT me, and it’s a turnoff. So for you to have found these women that you can relate to on so many levels is so awesome. I bet it feels like a breathe of fresh air and that giddiness of getting together and just being yourself and being free to say and do what you want with women that GET IT. Man, I think I need my own post on this (sorry to make this half about me, wasn’t meant to be a comment like that!).

  2. That is fantastic! I think strong female relationships are important, and they can be difficult, but they bring so much support and growth that it’s worth continuing to work on those relationships.

    I’m very blessed to have Ethel as well as a few other girlfriends I made way back when (we were 12!) still in my life. But I too lost many “fair weather friends” when my Ex went to jail for trying to shoot me.

    When the poo hits the fan and your life falls apart you sure do find out who your real friends are!

  3. I’m totally jealous. As you’ve read on my blog, there are plenty of friends that I’m pulling away from. Same thing. They just feel toxic to me right now. I miss, as you said, how easy it was to make friends when I was younger. I long for that. I hope to have that again soon.

    So excited for you! It’s so good for us girls to have each other!

  4. That’s awesome. I wish I knew more single moms in Austin! I’m glad to have my virtual bloggy friends and soooo glad you found some great people up there.

  5. Just like my sister said in her comment, friends, and those that become sister-friends truly “weed themselves out” as we get older. I’m finding more often than not, that my true friends, well – they are few and far between. But you better damn believe I know who they are. I can’t say that I knew that a few years ago. And I hold those real friends close to my heart and treat them as my sister-friends. I am so so so happy you have this element back in your life, it is SO important and needed as women – so not having it for a period of time, I can imagine how much more you cherish it now than ever.

  6. So pleased for you!

  7. […] tearful goodbyes at the end of our weekends together, it still hurts. Though I have friends and a life here, and stuff that I’m working on, life without CBG is still lonely. It’s […]

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