Loving Me Better Means Loving You Better

I’ve really been working on taking care of myself these past couple of weeks with “the little things”. Things like eating well, getting lots of rest, exercising, writing in my journal, making an effort to keep my house tidier, reading,spending time with good friends, taking time to express gratitude every day, paying more attention to my girls. These are the things that I know nourish my spirit and make me feel good.

I am also doing my best to focus on me and not worry about CBG. It’s a challenge for me, because I know that while he’s not exactly  in the pit of despair, he’s not doing the greatest right now either. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not my job to help him any more than it’s my job to hurt for him. I’m realizing that one of the greatest gifts we can give to the people we love is to ensure that we ourselves are happy and healthy.

I also think back to the early days when CBG and I first got together. I was in a bad way. He was well aware of this. The most loving thing that he did for me during this time was to give me plenty of space to get my shit together on my own. Sure it was tough and lonely sometimes, but dammit…I came out of it knowing the depth of my own strength and determination, rather than just believing what someone else told me.

And now it’s time to return the favour to him.  I am giving him plenty of space to figure out his own shit and what he’s going to do about it – and then actually do it. In the process, I am making myself a happier, healthier and stronger person, as I tend to myself and those things that I have control over.  Sometimes there are things that we must do on our own….and I feel like this is one of them. Though I still have lots of work to do, I also feel like I am gaining clarity in my life again. In leaving CBG to work on his “stuff” while I focus on myself, I feel a certain sense of freedom that I haven’t felt in a while. I know that this freedom will help me to love him (and myself!) even better than I did before.

I’m feeling better already.

4 Responses

  1. I just want you to know that I am blown away by this recent series of posts. Mature, brutally honest, truthful and very insightful. I am glad you are realizing some of these things and know that the rest is on it’s way to you.

  2. Dear Momma,
    This reminds me of something I wrote a couple of weeks ago…which was a result of the List of 37 that you inspired. What goes around keeps going around, I think. 🙂
    I think you’re awesome. The stuff that we do in the hard times is what makes us the person we can be proud of later.
    Sending you love,

  3. You are paying it forward in a big way. When all is said and done, you are doing right by him and by you. Proud of you!

  4. […] to me in my life right now. This time is about me right now….it’s about me and about letting him have his space.  So far, so […]

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