Doing My Thing

Last night was one of those exceptional evenings where I felt like I did pretty much everything right.

Well….except get the girls in bed on time. But – I made muffins from scratch! So it all evens out.

The evening was full of chores, homework, and preparing for the next day of school and work. We managed a sit-down dinner, some good conversation, and lots of hugs and kisses. I felt patient, centered, and attentive.

It was a good night.

* * * * *

I’ve also started re-reading Codependent No More. I read it several years ago, while I was still in my marriage, and it was extremely eye-opening for me at the time. Re-reading it today is just as an interesting experience — I’m coming to see that I’m not nearly as “recovered” as I thought I was. The more I read, the more I realize that I have been falling into some of the same old traps with CBG that I had in my two previous long-term relationships.

Yes, folks, we do have a pattern here. If I questioned it before, re-reading this book has definitely confirmed it for me.

However – the good news is that I believe I’m learning something this time around. Instead of allowing my resentment to grow and bailing on this relationship, I am making the conscious effort to work through this. As difficult as it is, instead of desperately trying to help CBG work on his “stuff”, I am taking a step back. I am detaching, giving him some space, and focusing on myself and my girls.

I can’t solve anyone else’s problems but my own. I can’t help anyone else see what they need to do in order to feel better and live better. I can’t allow someone else’s “stuff” to bring me down and negatively affect my life and how I feel about it.  These are simple truths that I have allowed myself to forget this last little while.

Hopefully I will never forget them again.

5 Responses

  1. Muffins from scratch? YUM.
    I can already tell in your writing that this is exactly the time you need. GO YOU. So excited for you dear 🙂

  2. GJ and I talked last night about taking a break. His stuff is bringing ME down. I realize, as I’m reading CNM too, that I’m allowing this because I’m feeling weak. I am not nurturing myself as I should.

    I’m seeing my homeopath today to help with my constitution (still not 100% me since the birth control/hormonal thing). I’ve told GJ that I am aware of these things I need to do. If I cannot do them with him 3 hours away, then perhaps we too will take a break.

    Will it help if we do that? Unfortunately, I think it would help me more than him. All that I know is that I long to find that me that felt some peace and joy. I have many happy moments with him and without him, but there is a lingering heaviness that I must be rid of.

    Thinking of you…

    xxoo

  3. Momma you are doing what you need to be the best mom, girlfriend and most importantly best for yourself. Codependent No More is a great book. I’ve found the accompanying workbook a big help as well. It’s forcing me to be more honest with myself about things I was taking on as MY problems when they were actually the boss’s or my parents’ or other friend’s problems that I had no business or reason to be trying to resolve. Hope your day is good to you and your girls.

  4. It is strange reading these blog posts as I know that they could have been written by J and if they had we may still have been together now.

    Sometimes I think these issues fall into “the men are from mars, women are venus category.” I talked to J about my problems but I had no idea that she felt a need to help me with those problems and the fact she couldn’t was bringing her down.

    To me it was merely a conversation about things that were on my mind. I knew that I would get over them – it was just a matter of time. J didn’t see it like that – she saw it as her role to help me.

    I am looking forward to the posts you write after this difficult time and hearing about all the good times you and CBG will spend together.

  5. This is great – a breakthrough really. While you aren’t “recovered” per se – you are aware, which is huge. And I know you will come out on the other side of this a stronger person AND a stronger girlfriend (and mom!), too.

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