Monday Morning Blues

Here we  have it, kids: after the contentment of last night, we have the reality of Monday morning that has come barging in.And well, I’ve gotta be honest. I’m feeling more than a little bit down.

It’s not even that I’m going to miss CBG horribly this week. After all, I’ll be seeing him again in just four short sleeps. I can do four nights without giving it a second thought.

I guess this morning I’m just feeling the weight of a lot of other things in my life. I am feeling concerned for CBG – he’s got some stuff going on right now. He’s been struggling with some deeper issues, and this struggle has been putting him just a little bit “off”. Despite this we were able to have a fabulous weekend together, but I know that he’s still not feeling himself. I’d been lying if I said it wasn’t concerning me.

I’ve got issues of my own that I’m working on right now, too. My ex and I have talked about sitting down and having a big conversation about how we can make things better between the two of us, but we’ve yet to do it. I have some things I’ve been chewing on, but haven’t been able make sense of enough to blog about yet.

I’m missing my girls a lot this morning. For some reason I’ve really been feeling a big disconnect from my girls right now. I’m not entirely sure what the source of those feelings are. I’ve really just been missing them a lot when they’re not here. The time we do get to spend together is so fleeting – it just feels like there’s never enough of it. We had such a strong bond for all those years I was a stay at home mom, and now that I’m not with them 24/7, that connection is really missing. It’s funny, too. I don’t walk around feeling awful and missing them all the time; but sometimes, when life slows down and it gets really quiet and my girls aren’t here, my heart aches from missing them.

The weather is getting to me, too. We’ve basically had an entire month (no exaggerating!) of clouds and rain. We’ve had maybe two days where it was almost sunny in the past month, but really, it’s been nothing but cold, gray and rainy. And well, Sunshine needs her sunshine. This weather just won’t do.

The good news? Well…there’s lots of good things. I get to see CBG in just four more sleeps. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together over the next few weeks, and that’s always a good thing. Particularly since it feels like he needs extra love and support right now.  Also? Turns out that Kiddo was sick today. So while it’s no fun being at home with a sick kid, having extra time with my girls (even if it’s just snuggling on the couch watching tv) is a very good thing. As well, tonight I have another chiropractor appointment. More to come on this in a future blog post, but the short of it is, my chiropractor is fixing me. And I’m so excited about it.

So…while it’s a dismal, cold and gray Monday morning…I will make through. Looking back over my list of 37 items for my 37th birthday, there are a few items that particularly jump out at me:

2. Use your time more wisely.

5. Let go of the things that don’t really matter.

7. Spend more time focusing on today. It’s the only guarantee you’ve got.

11. Chase negativity away.

36. Express gratitude for all the great things you have.

Today will never happen again. I guess I’d better make the most of it while it’s here.

11 Responses

  1. The little dude was gone to celebrate his birthday with his dad on Saturday. As much as I wanted/needed a break, I felt lost without him when he was gone.
    My heart hurt – and it was only one afternoon.

    Your last sentence really hits home with me.
    You’re right – and you’ve totally changed my perspective about my day. Funny how that happens, eh? lol

    • I miss my girls a lot when I’m not with them. Mostly I’m able to distract myself from it, but then it comes creeping in, usually at really inopportune times. 😉

  2. Man oh man, I may have to steal that line. Seriously.

    Cuz you damn well *know* I feel that way! ❤

  3. *Big* hug. Sounds like you’re coping with a lot of tough issues.

  4. I love those of your #37 list. They are sooo timely for me right now too. As for the stuff you have going on and CBG…I know it’s heavy and sometimes you just wanna hide from it, but you’re not. And that’s the difference (oh, and I hear you on the effing weather! we’re getting that too!!)

    • Well….honestly, I *try* to hide, but it seems like I’m only ever able to do it for so long, then it comes around to bite me on the ass. 😉

      If I don’t see some sun soon, though, I’m going to start to mold.

  5. Reading this makes me smile – the love for your children is so awesome…I am sure you are the most wonderful mother to them even when you’re not with them 24/7. I’m sorry you are missing them so 😦

    • Thank you. My girls are the most important thing in my life….and it hurts to not be with them as much as I’d like to be. But I tell myself that it’s good for them to have such a close relationship with their dad, too. I know what a rare and special thing that is, so I am grateful for it, despite everything.

  6. Of course, you’re probably feeling a bit helpless because you’re unable to help CBG through his pain. Your support and consistency is what he needs. You know that. Embrace the love that’s around you, be it your girls, your man or hey, just a nice comfy couch to sit on.

    And also, I’m jealous. You guys have been able to see quite a LOT of each other lately. We’re still seeing each other twice a month but going 3 weeks between visits. *sigh*

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