Doing What I Need To Do

Okay, full disclosure: I suck at self-care. I know what I need to do to take care of myself, of my health, and I can always do it for a while, but then eventually I seem to always slide back to old, bad habits. Self-neglect feels a whole lot more natural to me for some reason. Likely it stems from feeling, most of my life, like I didn’t deserve any better treatment. But now that I know, deep down inside, that I absolutely do deserve more, I still struggle to achieve it.

This is another one of those things that has fear at the heart of it. Fear of everything required of me in order to succeed in this area of my life. Fear of failure. Fear of change. Fear of letting go of all those old, comfortable ways. The familiar, even if it’s hurting me in the long run, feels a lot more comfortable and natural.

The thing is, my cycle of shitty self-care isn’t working for me. For example, not taking care of myself has resulted in struggling with neck and upper back pain for the last 15 years. I finally started seeing a chiropractor for this, after reaching a point of frustration and desperation. And whaddaya know? It’s helping. This isn’t the only issue I’m struggling with lately. I feel tired a lot. I have a suspected food intolerance. I desperately need to see a naturopath.

I’ve been thinking about  where I know I’m going to have to make some changes toward the area of self-care. I have a lot of things to tackle. I’ve been pretty good, particularly in the last year, in terms of caring for my mental and emotional self; it’s the physical side of my life that requires the most work at this point. It’s a scary undertaking for me, given all those reasons I already mentioned. But I know that it’s something that I have to do.

In addition to having a chiropractor appointment yesterday, this morning I started with a nice 5km run in the rain. I’ve been making a lot of excuses in the last several months for not getting back into the shape that I want to be in. It’s time for the excuses to stop. It’s time to start doing all those things that I need to do to take care of myself.

I am determined to feel the fear and do it anyway. Because I’m worth it. And even if it’s a struggle to get to where I need to be, I’m going to keep working at it. Giving up is not an option.

7 Responses

  1. And you’ll more than likely slip back into old patterns again…

    Awareness helps. Once you create a habit of caring for yourself and noticing the results in how you feel physically, you’ll begin to notice it will affect you emotionally as well. Then, when you’re trying to decide between going to bed early or taking on a yoga class, you’ll seriously consider what feels better.

    And trust me… we ALL neglect ourselves now and then. This is why I schedule triathlons to keep me working towards something!

  2. YES! You are worth it. It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. Ever. Especially if you’re ultimately not just doing it for you but for your children too…who wants to see their momma around for a long, long, time to come. 🙂

  3. I’m right there with you. It is VERY easy for me to be logical about it. of course, I deserve to take care of myself…of course I deserve time for me…etc etc. It’s the actually DOING it is so difficult for me. You aren’t alone in this one at all. Hopefully you’ll get it all figured out soon so I can piggyback off of your success. 😉

  4. Oh, I think so many of us can relate to this and you certainly aren’t alone. I have gotten better at it but could use a lot of work, especially in the diet area (I’m yelling at you soda!) and the seeing someone about pain. Definitely don’t give up, you are worth it!

  5. You got this! The running wll help, mind body and soul. And I am glad you are taking care of you. Be your best patient, not your worst 🙂 XO!

  6. You are absolutely worth it!!! I hope it sticks this time. My sister also has a severe food intolerance. Actually the doctors can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with her. She either has colitis, crohn’s, or celiac’s. Anyway, she just started seeing a naturopath, and it’s really helped her! I recommend at least trying it.

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