Then Vs. Now

This past weekend I found myself thinking about Easter two years ago.

It had been only a few months after I had moved out of my ex’s house. CBG and I were broken up and at that point, were both trying to move on with our lives. I was struggling with some of my friendships. I was in therapy, struggling with depression and anxiety and trying to figure out how to put my life back together. I was unemployed without many job prospects on the horizon. And I was facing the first holiday alone with my girls.

I distinctly remember feeling extremely overwhelmed, lonely, and afraid. But I did my best to get through it, with some help from a few people that were in my life at the time. But still, it was tough. At the time, I wondered if I would ever find that “family feeling” again. I wondered if I would find someone to share my life with. I wondered if I would ever feel truly happy ever again. It was a lonely time for me, full of so much uncertainty. The night before Easter I sat up late, alone, chatting with a new friend on MSN, fighting back tears at the thought that maybe I was permanently damaging children with my decision to seek out my  happiness in life. I eventually filled Easter baskets, alone, fighting back more tears, and went to bed – alone, lonely.

And this year, two years later on “Easter Eve” I sat with CBG, the man who has taught me to believe in both love and myself again, playing board games, laughing and joking while our three children slept happily two rooms away. We filled Easter baskets and hid chocolate eggs. We made love and then fell asleep in each other’s arms. Content. Peaceful. Love all around us.

Two years ago this scene was something I never would have been able to wrap my head around. I never would have been able to conjure up a way to make this happen. I’m so grateful that The Universe pulled through and made it happen for me. Because despite the challenges that we face , there is nowhere else I would want to be. I have more love and happiness than I ever imagined I could possibly have.

I’m glad that this weekend I found myself struck with the memory of two years ago. The contrast in my life between now and then is amazing to me. It was good to have that reminder of how much life can change…and why it’s always good to have faith.

6 Responses

  1. Yes! What a great reminder and stark contrast! It always feels so bleak when you’re in it, doesn’t it? We forget that the Universe is working on our behalf all the time.


    • It’s SO easy to forget that The Universe is working for us. I find myself forgetting it all the time, in fact….so it’s good to have these occasional reminders.

  2. I love this reminder and the perspective you have in this post. Such a strong reminder isn’t it? Then vs. now…a lifetime of a difference!

    • The contrast between my life then compared to my life now is like night and day. It’s good to remember that our life circumstances are fleeting….so enjoy the good stuff while you have it, and tolerate the bad stuff, knowing that its only temporary. 🙂

  3. Whoa. Gives me hope. Not a lot, but a little. Thanks for that.

  4. I’m not everywhere I want to be right now, but two years does make a lot of difference. Glad you had such a great weekend and can look back and appreciate what you have now.

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