Being Right vs Being Happy

“Do you want to be right, or be happy?” ~Marianne Williamson

If you want to read about all the fun CBG and I had while we were in San Juan, Puerto Rico, head on over to his blog today. It was in San Juan where we rolled down the hill at the National Historic site while laughing like maniacs and shopped ’til we dropped.

It was also in San Juan where we had the closest thing to an argument the entire week together. That’s the part that I’m going to write about.

It wasn’t an official argument, mind you. It was more like Sunshine was pms-ing and feeling over sensitive and allowed something to bother her a bit more than it likely should have. Granted, it was a legitimate beef, but I didn’t necessarily handle it in the best way. I was irritable and snapped at CBG over something relatively small. His defenses immediately went up and he grouched back at me.

I immediately saw the road that this could go down, and it was the last thing I wanted. We hardly ever argue, so having an argument at all would be bad enough, but to do it on vacation? The worst!

Instead of continuing down the road to a full-blown argument, CBG and I shut the conversation down. In fact, I hid in the bathroom of our tiny room on the ship to sit with my feelings so I didn’t take it out on him. I sat there for as long as I could until we had to leave to go ashore with his dad and brother and explore Puerto Rico.

Let me tell you, kids, there’s nothing more awkward than trying to cram yourself onto a tour bus in such a way as to avoid sitting next to the person you’re currently pissed at. heh.

Faking smiles with JFK in Puerto Rico. CBG's dad (who was oblivious to the fact that we were upset) ordered us to pose for a pic. Awkward. heh

After about an hour or so of each being allowed our own thoughts, CBG hauled me aside and apologized. After taking time to think about things and see my point of view, he was able to validate my feelings and accept responsibility for what was his. I was able to see that I’d over-reacted and made a mountain out of molehill. I immediately forgave him and it was all over, just like that. We were able to get on with our day and enjoy the sites in Puerto Rico. In fact, this day turned out to be one of my favourites on the entire trip.

I’ve thought a lot about this “incident” in the days since our trip. I was reminded of the Marianne Williamson quote at the beginning of this post. I realized how far CBG and I have both come since our past relationships, particularly our marriages. I know that at least for me, such an incident with my ex would have turned into a total blowout. There would have been harsh words, resentment and bad feelings.

But not for CBG and I. Just one more reason why we’re so good together. So many things could have happened that morning. We could have started yelling at one another. We could have gotten defensive. We could have chosen to see the situation from our own limited points of view. We could have chosen to be “right”. We could have chosen to focus on the (minor) issue at hand, rather than seeing what the conflict was really about.We could have chosen to completely avoid the issue altogether and allowed resentment and anger to build up.

Most importantly, we could have acted like the people we used to be, rather than the people we are now. And you know what? For that, I’m kinda proud of us.

Yeah, we rock.

The thing I’m most proud of is knowing that our failed relationships weren’t in vain. We’ve each grown and learned because of them…to the point that our relationship together is better because of those failed marriages. Lessons were necessary so that we can be so good together.

And dammit, we are good.

 

The happy couple on their way to dinner....all thoughts of the argument a few hours earlier totally forgotten.

6 Responses

  1. Funny, even with your forced fake smiles, that’s still a nice picture of you two… but the last one is really beautiful. Glad you guys were able to do this trip, what a blast. I totally missed the chance to meet you guys as I left Puerto Rico (I was there on a business trip) just about the time you were arriving! Love reading both sides of this trip from both of your sites.

  2. Too bad we missed you! Would have loved meeting you. 🙂

  3. Yes! Exactly! That’s what I keep in mind when I’m losing my shit too. Heh.

    Good for you both. So happy to see you both so happy! 🙂

  4. I so know the feeling of being mad over something small even if it’s a valid reason. The trouble is I usually let it ruin our time together. But I’m learning from my past mistakes just like the two of you are! 🙂

  5. First, LOL at the awkward fake smiles! I can totally see it! Haha. But I am glad you are ‘learning to fight’ so to speak. It’s really hard to do, and do it so it’s done successfully and communicative, not destructive and angry. If that makes sense. I gotta learn that too. Getting there!

  6. I think it’s better to fake a smile for half a second than to fake a relationship.

    And you two, you just can’t fake that – and this post is proof.

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